Help my parent wont heat house

LSG224

My father will not put heating on, if I go round he puts it on only then, my mother stays in bed nearly all day as its too cold, shes in early 80s,always been fit healthy but few years ago, shes broke a bone in a finger and hurt her hip, due to a fall, she has stairs and walks down holding one side banister, when I come round she asks my father to put on the heating, he moans under his breath but he does it. So shes staying in bed watching tv.. Shes not walking as well now her hip hurts. He will not be tackled on the heating. He works out to pay a few hundred a month, and all year the same payment, he said that because it is not used in the summer, the build up of the money in summer then equals out when its the winter covering its use then, but he hardly puts the heating on. My mum is becoming a bit forgetful, because shes cold. What can I tell him to make him see its got to be heated more, and what advice on what could he be putting the heating on, ie temperature, boiler and on the radiators, theyve got a 2 bed house. How can the supplier be tackled in reducing thier bill monthly anyway? 

hot_rod

It’s not the fuel suppliers job to reduce the heat bill.
What you can do is look for places to reduce the heat loss of the home. Upgrade insulation, look for air leaks around windows, around foundation. Add insulated window curtains, etc

There may be some energy conservation help $$ Look up your state at this website below to see what programs might be available to them.

Or have your mom move in with you👵

Wwwdsireusa.org

EBEBRATT-Ed

Not sure what you can do if it is your father's house. The State you're in I am sure has minimum temperature requirements for tenant's, but I am not sure if that applies to private residences. You could check with your local health dept and make a copy and show it to your dad.

A couple of Ideas:

Maybe you could talk to your mom's DR. with her permission. Anyone lying in bed all the time especially the elderly run the risk of pneumonia. Maybe he can make some headway with your dad.

Not sure you can do anything about the fuel supplier, but it wouldn't hurt to talk with them. Maybe they would be willing to provide a discount.

Can anything be done as far as insulation, new windows or doors. Does your region have ant rebates for energy improvements?

Lastly have the heating system checked by a good technician and see if he could suggest any improvements to cut the fuel bill.

Lastly make sure the air filters are clean if it is a furnace and all supply and return outlets are open and not blocked by furniture boxes or clothing or if its a boiler make sure radiators and baseboards if hot water or steam heat are clean and dust free and working and not blocked as well. If steam the air venting should be checked.

Feel bad for you and Mom. Lying in bed is no good especially if she is able to get up and move around at least several times a day would be a huge issue.

WMno57

See a lawyer, get control of your parents finances, then pay their bills for them.
or
Don't do anything, and wait for the state to come in and take all your parents assets and manage their care.
I'm guessing you could do a better job of caring for your parents than the state.

EBEBRATT-Ed

I don't think you can just "take over someone's finances." unless they are judged incompetent.

WMno57

Everyone should have an estate plan. If you don't, the state will be happy to dictate what your estate plan will be. The state and the state appointed lawyers will take a nice cut for doing your job for you.
The OP and their Father should sit down with a lawyer and get their affairs in order. It's not that expensive, and that way the OP and their father get to make choices, instead of the state making decisions for them.

gmcinnes

Not sure if you're on gas or oil, and if you're on oil it sounds like you might be on a contract.  But if not....

If there are other fuel suppliers in your area make sure you check the price of your supplier is competitive with the others.  The guy up the road from me will give me a great discount if I order on demand and pay cash on the barrelhead.

If your parents are in difficult straits financially there may be financial support available from a government program.  There is in CT.

I've known people who became so anxious about making their savings last in retirement that they wouldn't spend a penny.  (They were all farmers).  It's sad.

Everything everyone says here makes sense.  If all else fails could you at least heat the bedroom, or another room, with a space heater? 

Larry Weingarten

Hi, Does your family have an attorney that they deal with? If so, good, because there is probably some trust there. Talk to that lawyer and ask what they feel is the best course for fixing this.

Yours, Larry

ethicalpaul

I'm no lawyer but the only thing I think you could do would be to get state elderly services involved to do a welfare check, but the outcome could be involuntary admission for either or both of them.

mattmia2

I think this is in the UK.

In the US an intestate estate is handled the way the heirs want it handled if there are living heirs.

WMno57

In the US, intestate (no will or trust) estates go through probate. Probate fees are large. Prince was an idiot and made a bunch of lawyers very happy.
Everyone should have either a will or a trust depending on your assets. Estate planing with a lawyer is not expensive. Who will make medical and financial decisions for you if you are not capable?
Many elderly parents would be quite happy if a child steps up and says mom/dad, how about I take care of paying your bills for you?
I'll say it again. The state and courts will be happy to manage your family's affairs if you can't figure it out yourselves. Pay a lawyer now, or pay lawyers a lot more later.

ethicalpaul

Probate isn't that expensive if you aren't rich and have a bunch of family members fighting.

I thought he might be out of the US (in a place where "state" means "country") but I imagine the UK or wherever has probably much stronger senior services and welfare checks (I don't mean payment checks, i mean verifying health checks)

Larry Weingarten

Hi, I was raised by a lawyer. Having a will (and a trust, if real estate is involved), are far less expensive and far more under your control than allowing things to go to probate. I've seen people lose 90% of the value of the estate because of probate.
Yours, Larry
ps. Seeing the law up close is what encouraged me to get into the trades. It's way less messy!

JDHW

@mattmia2

What makes you think this is the UK?

John

Steamhead

JDHW said:

@mattmia2

What makes you think this is the UK?

John

He refers to his mother as "Mum". That's usual in the UK but not in the US.

ethicalpaul

Or dozens of colonies

But anyway how will avoiding probate help his dad turn up the heat to make his mother more comfortable? Did I miss something about one of them being deceased?

JDHW

@Steamhead
You make a good point that completely evaded me!

I have some sympathy for the family because electricity and gas bills have gone through the roof over the last few months even with government subsidies. "typical" energy costs for a average home up from £1300 to about £2700 and likely to go even higher in March.

Most of the energy suppliers try to get customers on to a direct debit payment scheme where there are equal monthly payments. They really hate customers that just pay for the energy they use based on quarterly meter readings and charge them a higher rate.

This of course leaves the energy supplier to make all sorts of estimates and these rarely leave the supplier with a shortfall. My elderly Mother regularly ends up with a credit of £500 with her energy supplier and insists on a refund and that the monthly amounts are adjusted to reflect her actual usage based on the monthly readings she provides.

What incentive is there for the suppliers to be accurate in their estimates when errors in their favour are a big junk of cash in their bank?

My advice to the OP would be to check the bills to make sure that payments really do reflect to energy used and to perhaps contact Citizens Advice because there are lots to subsidies around for older people and even more for those on low incomes. Couple of links below might be of help

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-61592496
https://www.gov.uk/winter-fuel-payment

John

hot_rod

If nothing else it seems mean to force your spouse or family to live that way. The older you get the warmer the space needs to be to stay comfortable.

Jamie Hall

Actually the US has better eldercare at the present time than the UK -- but it can be harder to figure out, as it is not centralised.

That said, it seems to me we are talking about a situation here which borders on elder abuse. More often that is a case of a child or children failing to care for their parents, but the sort of situation here does happen.

Yes, the OP's parents do need to have wills, and documents detailing what sort of medical care they want -- and a power of attorney to someone they trust who is competent and available. This doesn't always happen, and you can't force it to happen. The choice of executor or trustee is fraught with complications, as well; it isn't always the most obvious choice (I have one in my parish at the moment where the eldest son was appointed as trustee, all in good faith -- and it turns out that he isn't mentally capable of doing the work involved. Messy. Nice guy, but just can't hack it).

Of eother the parents or the OP is a member of a church, I would say that the priest or pastor would be a good place to start -- but I'm biased that way, of course! But it's part of their job... Most communities have Town or city agencies which are meant to care for the elderly, but one wants to tread carefully there, as they tend to have rather inflexible guidelines on what is to be done in various situations.

gmcinnes

I'm a dirty steenkin immgant from Scotland, and what's happening there this winter is beyond mismanagement. It's sinking into a dystopia. And I don't see any good news on the horizon

WMno57

ethicalpaul said:

But anyway how will avoiding probate help his dad turn up the heat to make his mother more comfortable? Did I miss something about one of them being deceased?

Child gets financial power of atty. Child pays bills. Dad doesn't see bills. Hopefully child is better able to investigate heating assistance than mobility impaired mom and age related metal decline mom and dad.
Some children are not mentally capable of this. Drug related mental decline. Then Government handles it.

ethicalpaul

Dad still has the thermostat

mattmia2

WMno57 said:

In the US, intestate (no will or trust) estates go through probate. Probate fees are large. Prince was an idiot and made a bunch of lawyers very happy.

There is nothing that prevents the heirs from filing the appropriate paperwork with the court directly and the court fees are not expensive.

Big Ed_4

A habit , he had it set to to 64* degrees all his home owner life .

If it was my Mom I would instal a wireless thermostat and hand Mom the control . Just leave the old one on the wall for Dad. If it was me

HomerJSmith

Use heated throws or electric blanket. The Japanese heat their bodies not the rooms, at least in the older days.

Long Beach Ed

How about paying Pop's heating bill, Son?