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Make me laugh....

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J.C.A._3
J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
Wow!, you said it out loud too!

Let's keep the "home PYRES" burning...

Humor...what a wonderful gift! Much like Readers Digest says...Laughter IS the BEST Medicine...

What a great bunch of friends I have!Some I know... some I don't at all....but I STILL consider all of you to be among the best folks in/on the planet! Thanks Dan. JCA
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Comments

  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Please...Keep me motivated.

    I'm 4 days into "not smoking"...for the first time in 20 plus years..

    I just want a smoke..But am fighgting it "tooth and nail".

    Any support will be appreciated...I know how crappy it was for me....But I also know the processs of stopping.... needs HELP from my friends.

    Nicotene fits. I now know...

    I'm guessing I also know what our wives and girlfriends have felt....since the beginning of time....Breath deep Jezebel!...

    Please wish me luck! chris
  • Pinball
    Pinball Member Posts: 249
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    YOU can DOOOOO IIIIIT!
    congradulations on the effort! take it one hour at at time at this point. I know this may seem silly, but "pretendsmokeing"
    what I mean is purse your lips and Drag air in as IF you were smoking. believe it or not. Alot of the smoking satisfaction. comes from the ACT of smoking itself, not just the nicotine.
    I am now Three months smoke free after 30+ years. Went Cold Turkey as a "Test" to see how long I could go. It was the BEST thing I have ever done (except bringing my daughter into the world). Good Luck. It is SOOO COOOL being one of the "NON_SMOKERS" now You will be in the Majority! and be amazed at all the good changes you will see. Be patient!

    Al (PINBALL)
  • Dave Yates (GrandPAH)_2
    Dave Yates (GrandPAH)_2 Member Posts: 377
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    $68,985.00 & counting........

    If a pack of smokes costs $3 bucks, that's how much I've saved in 18 years. Started at 12 & quit at 36. Was it tough? One of the hardest things I've ever done. A 3.5-pack-a-day habit tugs hard & I quit cold turkey - in VA - while on vacation. I didn't want to leave the house we'd rented because we had to drive past a 'convienence' store, so Lois drove. I'm told it was the worst vacation we ever had. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest.

    3 days; 3 weeks; 3 months; 3 years - the benchmarks you need to focus on and hit. The first 3 days are the hardest - addiction wise. I found myself drawn to anyone with a lit cigarette - so I could "enjoy" the aroma. After 3 weeks, the elephant on my chest gave way. Treat yourself at each of the benchmarks. At 3 months I continued to struggle, but knew I was winning the war. By the time 3 years rolled around, I had begun to dislike the smell of cigarettes. 18 years later, I can't friggin stand the odor & have left more than one restaurant's so-called no-smoking section. I'm not militant about it, but I'll be damned if I'm going to hand over hard-earned money for a dinner & go home smelling like an ashtray.

    Find something constructive to do that won't be frustrating - like going for a walk.
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Thank you Pinball & Grandpah..

    > If a pack of smokes costs $3 bucks, that's how

    > much I've saved in 18 years. Started at 12 & quit

    > at 36. Was it tough? One of the hardest things

    > I've ever done. A 3.5-pack-a-day habit tugs hard

    > & I quit cold turkey - in VA - while on vacation.

    > I didn't want to leave the house we'd rented

    > because we had to drive past a 'convienence'

    > store, so Lois drove. I'm told it was the worst

    > vacation we ever had. I felt like someone was

    > sitting on my chest.

    >

    > 3 days; 3 weeks; 3

    > months; 3 years - the benchmarks you need to

    > focus on and hit. The first 3 days are the

    > hardest - addiction wise. I found myself drawn to

    > anyone with a lit cigarette - so I could "enjoy"

    > the aroma. After 3 weeks, the elephant on my

    > chest gave way. Treat yourself at each of the

    > benchmarks. At 3 months I continued to struggle,

    > but knew I was winning the war. By the time 3

    > years rolled around, I had begun to dislike the

    > smell of cigarettes. 18 years later, I can't

    > friggin stand the odor & have left more than one

    > restaurant's so-called no-smoking section. I'm

    > not militant about it, but I'll be damned if I'm

    > going to hand over hard-earned money for a dinner

    > & go home smelling like an ashtray.

    >

    > Find

    > something constructive to do that won't be

    > frustrating - like going for a walk.



  • Alan R. Mercurio_3
    Alan R. Mercurio_3 Member Posts: 1,620
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    Chris I’ve known you for a while now. And if there is one thing I learned about you, is that you are a very strong willed person. You can do anything you put your mind to. I know I’ve watched you do it!

    To Learn More About This Professional, Click Here to Visit Their Ad in "Find A Professional"

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  • Ruthe Jubinville_2
    Ruthe Jubinville_2 Member Posts: 674
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    this made me really laugh

    You just gotta love them tree huggers!

    A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Grants Pass Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

    As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.





    In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor She told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

    She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, what took you so long?





    He smiled and then told her, Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down.

    I hope this gave you something to think about but here is another . I bet you spent nearly $5.00 for a pack in Mass or you spent lots of money on gas to go to NH to spend less per pack. Now look at the savings.. Good luck!
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Thank you Pinball & Grandpah..

    I am at THAT point right now....My girlfriend is ready to give up because I'm so "Bitchty"...and I'm kind of mad at myself for being like this...

    If ONLY I knew it would make me like this...I would have NEVER STARTED!!!

    My Dad quit COLD TURKEY,,,after 50 years of 3 pack a day smoking...because he coughed so hard that he hurt his back.

    I still find CARTONS of smokes around the house where he doesn't go...and he was always telling me to "take em"...

    I'm going to kick this thing....As BAD as I'm feeling right now..I know it gets better.

    Thank you to all. Words of advice and confidence are much appreciated.... New NON-SMOKER....Chris.
  • realolman
    realolman Member Posts: 513
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    You've already done it

    for four days. Tomorrow will be five. One of these days you won't even remember how many years it's been.

    If you want to quit you will. If you don't want to quit you won't. If all you are thinking about is all the joys of smoking that you are missing you're not going to do it.

    But you know smoking ain't all that great. Think about all the brown fish eggs you ain't gonna cough up any more. Think about how nice it is to lie down in bed and not cough for 10 minutes. You might get a cold without it being "lung cancer this time"... You know it was only a matter of time. Take a big deep breath and feel how your lungs will stretch and expand just a liile more after you've filled them to capacity. They wouldn'ta done that 4 days ago.

    Coffee is still good. Beer is still ... well... excellent. You don't need one after you eat. You don't need one in the car or truck. I have heard you don't need one after sex. All that stuff is just silly...You don't need one at all. You'll see. You've already seen for four days.

    If you go into a restaurant and smell someone having one with coffee, take a big deep breath of it... suck it in... it smells good... enjoy it...but, you're gonna walk on by and keep on goin. And laugh.

    And fer God's sake use nicotine gum. Don't try to be a hero. It's expensive and you might get kinda hooked on that, but you can get offa that a lot easier than cigarettes, That's just temporary. Chew lotsa other gum too. I liked Extra wintergreen in the big packs. I don't do that any more either.

    I've read your posts in these forums. You're a smart guy. You know smoking sucks or you wouldn't have tried to quit. Hang in there... better days ahead. And these days ain't all that bad , are they? You're still above ground. Still suckin air. Still beating boilers into submission. Find something else to do. You have a whole bunch more minutes in the day than you had 4 days ago.

    I wanted to find this so I could edit it and couldn't find it. Then I realized I completely forgot the topic title.

    Guy goes in an outhouse and sees another guy in there dropping a five dollar bill down into the hole.

    First guy says," What the heck are you doing??"

    Second guy says' "I lost a quarter down in there."

    First guy says'" Yeah... so why..."

    Second guy says," Well, I ain't goin down in there for no quarter."
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Thank you Alan and ESPECIALLY ruthie....

    Timeless can't even BEGIN to explain the laughter that ensued from your post Ruth....(Hell..I'm still giggleing!)

    Alan,You're the best bunkie...I am giving this the whole hog effort...this time.

    I NEED to stop this disgusting habit once and for all.Thank you for your support!

    P.S. Nice to read that you and Toni were a set at NAOHSM Hershey! She's got a great dad!

    Bless ya Pal! Chris
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Realoman....

    Thank You! I'm feeling a bit down right now...But your post made me think again! You're right...I gotta do this on my own, and by myself....Thanks goomba. Chris
  • ScottMP
    ScottMP Member Posts: 5,884
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    NO Joke

    Chris, A guy with your intelligence and ability can certainly do this.

    Stick TO IT ! Don't give up or allow any excuse's. You WANT this !! DO It.

    Hey you want a joke, (Stooges are on Sunday Morning ) also check out the link I posted on the Stevie Nicks Post.

    Keep at it Chris .

    Scott

    To Learn More About This Professional, Click Here to Visit Their Ad in "Find A Professional"
  • Leo
    Leo Member Posts: 770
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    If it takes

    If it takes gum or patches don't worry about the cost, the cost is offset by the cost of butts. Keep at it.

    Leo
  • Alan R. Mercurio_3
    Alan R. Mercurio_3 Member Posts: 1,620
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    Thanks for the kind words Chris. I was delighted that Toni was able to spend the week with me at the convention. We had a great time together and she was a tremendous amount of help at the show. I am so blessed with such a wonderful daughter.

    I was just thinking about what Dave wrote about treating yourself at each of the bench marks. I have an offer you. I’ll treat you at the 3rd week benchmark. I know you are as honest as the day is long. So I trust you’ll be straight with me. I’m going to mark the calendar now and check with you in 3 weeks. Your reward will be an OnWatch QuickLook 72 it’s on me pal I know you can do this!


    To Learn More About This Professional, Click Here to Visit Their Ad in "Find A Professional"

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  • jackchips_2
    jackchips_2 Member Posts: 1,338
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    We've

    never met Chris but I have enjoyed your many posts, especially about the "big boss".

    My Dad, God bless his soul, quit cold turkey, started again after so many years and realized it wasn't so great and never smoked again, God bless his clean lungs.

    As most have said, the first few days and weeks are the hardest and we're all pulling for you.

    Then when we do meet instead of smelling like a walking ash tray you'll smell like someone I'd want to spend---never mind.

    Good luck, Pal.

    Jack
  • Steve Ebels_3
    Steve Ebels_3 Member Posts: 1,291
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    Get some help if you need it

    I'm going smoke free June 1 and I've been taking Chantix since the 19th. My nephew was doing 2-3 packs a day and quit after taking the new pill for 2 weeks. No withdrawal, easily managable cravings. The stuff is about $100 per prescription but I can already feel it working. Lighting up and taking a drag just doesn't give me the kind of a hit that's normal. Well worth the price compared to a pack or two a day plus the health benefits. I hope to be a pain in the ___ to my kids well into my 90's!
  • Mike T., Swampeast MO
    Mike T., Swampeast MO Member Posts: 6,928
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    Oldie but Goodie

    At the height of the great depression a guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the bar, orders a whisky and pulls out a huge roll of bills to pay. The bartender can't help but ask, "What do you do for a living?"

    "I make bets that can't be lost," says the customer. I'll show you. I'll bet you $100 I can bite my right eye!" The bartender looks at him and says, "OK, you're on."

    The guy takes his glass eye out and clenches it between his teeth.

    "That's not fair!" says the bartender, but he pays the bet.

    After a few drinks, the customer tells the bartender, "I'll give you a chance to win back your money." Another $100 says I can bite my other eye.

    The bartender thinks for a moment, doesn't want to be burned but also knows he can't be blind. "OK, there's no way!" The guy takes out his false teeth and clamps them over his left eye.

    The bartender protests, but knowing that he was outfoxed, pays the guy who proceeds to sit down with three other customers, play cards and get plastered.

    A while later he staggers up to the bar and says, "I'll give you one last chance. $200 says I can stand on top of the bar and pee in that bottle back there. Won't miss a drop."

    Noticing that he can hardly stand the bartender says, "There's no way! Do it."

    The guy climbs on the bar, barely manages to stand up , drops his pants and pees all over everything. He pees on the bar, the stools, the floor and even the bartender. He doesn't even come close to hitting the bottle.

    The bartender cracks up and says, "I knew you couldn't do it. Where's my $200?"

    Without complaint he pays the bartender who notices that the guys he was playing cards with are looking rather green. "What's wrong with them?"

    "I just bet them $500 each that I could piss all over you and your bar and you'd just laugh about it."

  • Unknown
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    go go Chris!

    Welcome to the majority!! I'll be smoke free for 17 years after stupidy smoked for 14 years... Now I can't stand going in bars and resturants that permit smoking. Yes, I do tell them stinking people that their smoking bothers me and don't want them around me. Chris, you can move here in Illinois as of this coming Jan 08, the state will finally becomes the 17th states to be smoke free everwhere... Smokers can wait for their next smoke while non smokers can't wait for clean air... Good luck, Chris...
  • lchmb
    lchmb Member Posts: 2,997
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    Dont give up

    Chris, don't give in. I'm about 6 month's ahead of you now in the quitting section. It does get easier. I won't lie and say it's a simple thing and you will have your moment's but every minute is a win for you!! Every time you walk away from the desire make's it that much easier for you to do it. As weird as this may sound, find something that you enjoy, that won't pack on to much weight and keep it handy. I actually found coffee helped me.

    As an added thought, make sure to treat your lady to something special for helping you through this. It's tough now but you'll love it down the road. I bought a new Harley with the money I saved from the smokes...
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Thanks to all..

    I appreciate the words of hope AND encouragement.

    I'm kicking this smoking things ****!!!4 days seems like a 1/2 a lifetime right now...but I'm sure it's going to seem like NOTHING soon.

    Thanks to everyone. I know it's not an easy thing to do...but your prodding and encouragement are exactly what I need right now. Chris. (Alan....I'm going to take you up on your offer WHEN I succeed!!!!)
  • Alan R. Mercurio_3
    Alan R. Mercurio_3 Member Posts: 1,620
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    I have already put the Quick Look 72 aside for you. Because I know you’ll succeed!

    To Learn More About This Professional, Click Here to Visit Their Ad in "Find A Professional"

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  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Thanks Alan.

    I don't need a miracle...but I could use a push in the right direction...To quote the "Refreshments".Thanks pal! JCA

  • Rocky_3
    Rocky_3 Member Posts: 232
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    A quit smoking funny

    Young nurse walks into a patient's room. He is laying there, still out from the all the proceedures, oxygen mask on, monitors beeping. He hears her in the room and feebly asks her from behind his oxygen mask, in a voice so small she can barely hear, "Are my testicles black?"
    Taken aback and definately flustered she answers back, "Sir, I am just here to check your charts and meds, I would have no idea about the other". Once again from behind his oxygen mask, still groggy, but this time with a great bit of agitation, he once again asks, "Are my testicles black?"
    Afraid that in his current state of agitation he may rip out his tubes or go into some coniption fit, she decides to check just to calm him down. She gently pulls back the sheets, cups his testicles in one hand and carefully moves them side to side, lifting them, inspecting them. She gently lays them back down, patting everything back into place and informs him, "No sir, your testicles are not black".
    The patient smiles a very satisfied smile and with one wobbly hand reaches up and removes his oxygen mask. He tells the nurse, "Young lady, that was very nice indeed, but listen carefully: ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

    Hang in there, I quit chewing Copenhagen 8 years ago. I was chewing 2 full cans a day when I quit. That is the nicotine equivalent of about 4 to 5 packs a day. I had chewed for 26 years. Quit cold turkey. Funny, the THOUGHT of quitting was worse than the actual quitting. Every activity I ever imagined myself doing I imagined doing with a big wad of Copenhagen wedged firmly in my lip: Fishing on a riverbank? Had to have some Copenhagen. Watching a Friday night high school football game? Had to have some Copenhagen. Hunting moose in the fall: Better have LOTS of Copenhagen. Always pictured myself doing whatever it was I was doing, with Copenhagen in my lip. I just couldn't hardly stand the thought of never being able to have a dip again. It was the THOUGHT of not chewing that bothered me. Funny thing, once I REALLY made up my mind to quit, the actual quitting wasn't all that tough. Oh sure, I still wanted a chew something fierce, and almost rationalized why I should stop and buy a can of Cope today and quit TOMORROW instead. But I loved waking up in the morning thinking, "Hey, I'm kicking this Copenhagen's ****!" Hang in there, you CAN do it. The permanent pride of quitting more than offsets the temporary struggle. Hope the funny helped,

    Best of Luck,
    Rocky
  • Brad White_172
    Brad White_172 Member Posts: 53
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    The only time men and women should smoke together or alone

    is at a Hindu funeral.

    Yes, I said that.

    :)
  • realolman
    realolman Member Posts: 513
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    I think

    that is exactly true.

    The thought of quitting thing ... not the test results thing.
  • Mitch_4
    Mitch_4 Member Posts: 955
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    laughter

    2 Newfoundlanders, John and George are hunting in the bush, when suddenly a big bear runs and attacks them.

    John manages to climb a tree and sharts shootin the bear to kill it or scare it away, and finally succeeds, but George is down.

    In a panic John whips out the cell and calls 911.

    "911..whats your emergence?"

    "Jahn here, me an Jarge here was a huntin when this bee jezus big bear runs out an attacked, us..I scared off the bear, but Jarge..he's hurt real bad, he's not moving...he might be dead...Lord Tunderin Jese ma'am...what do I do?"

    " Alright calm down...are you near "Jarge""

    " No..I'z still in de tree"

    " Ok First thing is to get down if its safe"

    " Seems right..I'll get down...(pause) ok I'm down"

    "Ok we need to be certain if Jarge is dead first"

    "OK...hing on one minute"

    (sound of phone being put down)

    Click...BANG!!

    "Ok now what???"


    Keep it up Chris..13 years for me last weekend..like someone said 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years. You did the worst. Like an Alcoholic recovering..1 can do you in.

    Mitch
  • BillW@honeywell
    BillW@honeywell Member Posts: 1,099
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    JCA, hang in there...

    I kicked it cold turkey 28 years ago after two packs a day for 12 years. Best thing I ever did. Once you get past the first 2 weeks, it's basically over. Hard candy like sour lemon drops or "Jolly Rancher" helped, so did chewing gum. Stay away from smokers, throw out or give away all smoking materials, hide the ashtrays. Watch "Discovery Health Channel" when they are operating on someone with lung cancer. Try eating an apple or orange when you feel a craving. Semper Paratus! You WILL knock this monkey off your back!!!
  • realolman
    realolman Member Posts: 513
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    should be

    about 6 days now.
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Yup...6 days ans still going strong!

    The headaches are a bit annoying,but I'm sticking to it! Chris
  • Ray Landry_3
    Ray Landry_3 Member Posts: 94
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    Tough isn't it Chris? You and I are in the same boat my friend. I'm going on 13 days now. My fiancee and I just quit when we found out we're having our first child due in January! So, I've got a lot of motovation! Still hard as hell though. It's getting easier as time goes on though, I sure do miss the sense of calmness you get from it when having a crappy day in the trenches. The headaches are killer too, almost unbearable sometimes. I chew a pack of gum a day now to offsett the cravings. Just keep thinking of all the money you'll save, and how much healthier you'll be! Take it easy bro!

    To Learn More About This Professional, Click Here to Visit Their Ad in "Find A Professional"
  • Unknown
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    hang in there, guys

    In 17 years of cold turkey, the filthy smell of other people smelling like a ashtray will bothers you so bad that you'll wonder why you stupidly took up the habit...
  • Ruthe Jubinville_2
    Ruthe Jubinville_2 Member Posts: 674
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    hang in

    tomorrow will be 7 and 14. ..Ruthe
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Still there.....

    Thanks Ruthie


    Tough but managable with the FRIENDS I have here!

    8 days next!!!Chris
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Thank you Ruth....

    You're Right....1 week and I feel feel fine.....Hardest thing I've done for ME!.....But worth it. Believe me ...please. Chris
  • Alan(OnVacationInOregon)Forbes
    Options
    Hang in there,

    Chris. I offer you as many words of encouragement as the others did.

    I had been smoking and chewing tobacco for 20 years when I went to see my dentist for a routine examination in 1990. He noticed a red spot on my soft palate and took a biopsy to find erythroplasia (the beginning of throat cancer); he saved my life and I have not touched a cigarette since (maybe a few cigars).
  • Ruthe Jubinville_2
    Ruthe Jubinville_2 Member Posts: 674
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    Keep it going

    all of you no matter what stage of quitting you are at. Ruthe
  • Weezbo
    Weezbo Member Posts: 6,232
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    just the other day when i was going for a walk in the park...

    when i spied a young lady about 25 sitting on the park bench in her corporate uniform bawling her eyes out...
    ....... OR.............
    "I cant remember, Where I Live!..." Part 2...

  • Pinball
    Pinball Member Posts: 249
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    How ya doin Chris?

    You still with me on this? I hope so, you made it througfh the worst part.
    I am just at my 3 MONTH mark today and I almost forgot how long it actually was.I Already saved $960.00 ! thats a new kayak! almost.
    Al
  • Ruthe Jubinville_2
    Ruthe Jubinville_2 Member Posts: 674
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    way to go Al

    Hope you both keep it up. Ruthe
  • Larry Weingarten
    Larry Weingarten Member Posts: 3,304
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    bump

    This thread deserves to stay near the top until life is a bit more tranquil for Chris. If I hadn't quit, I never would have met my wife. Who knows what good it'll do you ;~)

    Yours, Larry
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
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    Thanks Larry.

    2 weeks tonight..and still at it.

    Tempted? You bet...but a quick note from our friend Ken, made me "consider NOT to consider". More help than I was giving myself!

    Thank you to all for the encouragement.

    Thanks again to Dan. You've managed to assemble a crew of the finest kind! Chris
This discussion has been closed.