Mouse Wars

chuck shaw

but the little SOB's ate almost everything in the garden.

Chuck

Noel Kelly_3

Mouse Wars


As I lie there I wonder – “What is he doing now?”

The noise from above is intermittent but regular. He has a purpose, that’s for sure. His persistence is admirable though altogether annoying. The person lying next to me is awake too – she is a light sleeper.

“He’s back,” she states. It is clear from the tone of her voice that sleep is a distant memory.

“I know,” is my simple response. What else can I say under the circumstances? After all, we have been through this before.

It had begun almost two weeks ago - the faint ticking sounds followed by repeated scratching. I, being a sound and sonorous sleeper, am less inclined to respond to the sounds of the night. But she, ever attuned to the ebb and flow of domestic dalliances, was quick to inform me the following morning that we had a visitor.

The mouse, or Mus musculus to be precise, is thought to be the second most common member of the mammal family on earth. And the male’s testicles are half the size of his head! At least, that’s what I have read.

And so, I embrace the mantle of “Great White Hunter” and set about the task of entrapping my quarry. Now, as every red-blooded male knows, this singular act is what distinguishes us most from the fairer sex i.e. the ability to not only bait and set the trap but to actually dispose of it afterwards.

The mousetrap was invented by Hiram Maxim. This was the same fellow who invented the Maxim machine gun, which replaced the Gatling gun and could fire 500 rounds a minute. This gun played a huge role in the European colonization of Africa and came to be known as “The Devil’s Paintbrush” for reasons that are obvious.

Historically, cheese has been the favored bait of choice when dealing with these miscreant invaders. However, on the advice of “she who is generally right”, I have taken to the use of peanut butter. And as is so often the case, it works. A small amount applied to the business part generally does the trick and trap in hand, I venture forth to the dark recesses of the attic.

It never ceases to amaze me how some things never change. Invented over one hundred years ago, the spring-loaded mousetrap has become a symbol of technological advancement.

"If a man can write a better book, preach a better sermon, or make a better mouse-trap than his neighbor, though he build his house in the woods, the world will make a beaten path to his door." These words attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson are often paraphrased and have become something of a, dare I say it – maxim.

With the odor of peanut butter permeating the eaves of our home, we settled in for the night. But alas and alack, he came back. Scratch, scratch, scratch. On rising, she of the sensitive ear was quick to inform me that my well-laid plans had been for naught. Much chagrined, I returned to the attic only to discover a trap bereft of bait but still set. The cheeky bugger had eaten the peanut butter!

The mouse trap as we know it today – the Victor - was invented in the 1890s by John Mast of Pennsylvania and is manufactured in the same place to this day. It’s a simple device but very effective. As a youth I had occasion to deal with its big brother – the rat trap. This was an altogether evil contraption in so much as it was made of metal with sharp teeth that could remove the digits of careless handlers.

Albeit a tried and true device, I erred on the side of caution as I doubted the veracity of the mechanical integrity of this particular trap. So I set a backup and loaded both with the preferred bait. It was a restless night as we lay there awaiting the tell tale sounds.

The gestation period of a female mouse is about three weeks and they can give birth to an average of 8 babies. What’s more, they can do this up to 10 times a year – awesome stats to consider whilst awaiting the onslaught of sleep!

Now, given that I had placed the traps in an area directly above our sleeping heads, you would think that the snapping closed of either one or both would have attracted our attention but the morning proved otherwise. Eyes agape and bulging, two chunky little rodents lay dead! And it is important to think of them as rodents lest you be beguiled by their winsomeness.

Walt Disney is in large part responsible for this. After all, millions of children pay homage to just such a rodent and other pests annually – to the tune of 30 billion dollars. So you can imagine how important it is to hide the remains from your wonderfully sensitive twelve-year-old daughter. After all, having devoted so much time and energy to the promulgation of such thoughts of fancy, it would not do to be seen as a doer of dastardly deeds.

Apparently the Patent Office has issued over 4,400 mousetrap patents to date and the guys in PA still have over 60% of the market with something that was invented over 100 years ago! Think maybe its time to devote our energies to other more promising pursuits?

Speaking of which, when in the pursuit of invading pests never take success for granted. Always assume that where there is one there are others. And such was the case as I discovered on the following day what I believe to be the last remaining member of this particular colony.

And yes, I do sleep well at night - thank you very much.

Christian Egli_2

Undercover ops

All this to take care of the -he- mouse. Are the -she- mice that much smarter than their spouses?

It seems there is a bit of collusion: it is your wife who did suggest the peanut butter, would cheese be the secret kryptonite?

You'd rope me in with a doughnut, but I'm not smart that way.

I learned a lot in your story, thanks Noel.

John_102

Intending no offense

to the tender-hearted among us, but I'm basically a blood-thirsty, bloody-minded mouse-killer. My wife and new cat, on the other hand, are mouse-lovers. The kitten showed great promise, murdering her first Mickey or Minnie at 8 weeks, but she has since concentrated on the camel-backed crickets. She now sleeps beside the humane mouse traps, but only in four-footed, furry solidarity. Someone referred to mice as adorable packets of hanta-virus, which sounds about right to me.

I've hauled dozens (or maybe the same two?) of the sweet little furry darlings out to the woods. I hear them scurrying back under cover of darkness. I pray to the snake gods to come and save me from the varmits. I ask my cat where she left her killer instincts. DON'T LET YOUR SPOUSES KNOW ABOUT HUMANE MOUSE TRAPS!!! What's humane about making us haul the little critters miles and miles away?

Sorry. I'll go back down & check the traps. No, wait. What's that? Upstairs!? The squirrels ARE BBBBAAACCCKKKK!!!!!!

Dave Yates (PAH)

Drill hole in wall near noise...

insert blacksnake - end of scratching noises and no need to remove rodents!

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Pinball

Have you ever thought of becoming a writer? that was a great story mixed with history and anecdotes!

I smell a pulitzer prize in your future!

And by the way...a 2" piece of thread wrapped around the peanut butter & trip lever will catch on the little varmit teeth when he eats and sets it off even if it does'nt step on it! works every time!

chuck shaw

If you want

I can send you a slightly used, but very functional Have a Heart trap, it may be a little big for mice. However I got a few woodchucks with it this summer

Chuck

Ron Schroeder

Just remeber

that it is theorized that where one mouse has made itself know that 14 more have not made their presence known. Good luck and a great read.

Bruce

Dave Yates (PAH)

Hey Chuck

I have two sizes of the HAH traps. How comes there's no provisions for letting loose the relocated beasties without fear of death or lost digits? Makes for an interesting release with both parties dashing off in opposite directions. Last week was the first time I'd ever heard a squirrel growl! (I was after chipmunks instead!)

A few months ago, it was Rocky the Racoon. I was trying for groundhog. Best relocation spot? Ambulance chasers' gardens(G).

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Leo G_99

WOW!

Noel, that is brilliant! Thanx!

May I send it to some of my friends?

Leo G

Jeff Lawrence_25

How about

Nice Ground hog stew with greens? You've certainly fattened them up.

Noel Kelly_3

Glad you enjoyed it and do with it what you may - my pleasure and thank you.

Noel K.

Empire_2

\"NK\".......;-)

Correct me if I am wrong, but I doubt it,...;-) "Just ask my wife";-), but the Maxim gun was first auto repeating fire arm and the Gatling gun came 2nd, but who cares. I feel you pain. We had the same problem with our house built in 1993. Scurrying in the rafters and as I am a light sleeper, It always woke me up. Well,. like The tool man Taylor, I bought a stethoscope to pinpoint the little **** in what I thought was the target joist of my master bed. (picture me at 3:00am with the listening end on the floor &ceiling to catch this little bugger). Drilled an 1/8" hole and BAMMMMMM R-22 fosgene, but to no avail. Drove me so nut's that I was thinking of investing in Infra red camera to see where the critter was coming in to stop it. Ended up using poison outside to kill them which is supposed to kill them outside,...Well it died in the joist space and stunk for about 3 weeks.

Sorry to rant but there I go again....

Mike T

Harold

Put the peanut butter under the trigger. Much more reliable.

Jon_10

Sorry, Mike. The Maxim was invented in 1883 and the Gatling in 1862, twenty years earlier. I'm a gatling gun nut and with a friend, we are building two fullsize in 45-70, Models of 1876. Maxims are full auto and to own must have special licences. Whereby Gatlings are hand-perated and require no special permits as per BATF regs.

Anna Conda

I once earned myself the animosity of every woman in the plant office, by disposing of a couple of mouse carcasses that they were squealing about. A lot of "ewww, you shouldn't have to do that, get one of the guys to do it, those things carry disease!" Aroo? So, you wouldn't expose yourselves to disease but its okay to expose the guys? Hello! *chuckle*

HAH traps are the reason why black squirrels are now invading the Rocky Mountains and squeezing the native grey squirrels out of their habitat. People don't realize that those little sine-waves aren't native and don't belong out there *sigh*

Empire_2

Sorry Jon.;-)

Ya know I just watched a documentary on this topic,...was nodding in and out. It was very interesting...

Mike T

scott w.

smart mice

Had several of these problem critters in the house. Killed the first two right off the bat and thought this was going to be easy. Just put the peanut butter on the trap & set. Not so easy. Checked trap each day and no mouse but peanut butter gone? Hmmm. They were still leaving their little calling cards. Figured the mice got smart when they saw their brethern executed.

Decided to put peanut butter on trap but not set it for a day or so. That worked as next time trap set and finished the job.

Enjoyed the original story

Douglas Hicks

As teenagers, my brother & I would catch bull snakes. We kept them in our basement bedroom in a cage, a defective cage. After a couple of weeks, the snake would escape. Of course we did not feed them, so that might be why they escaped. After the escape of the snake, we noticed the mouse population decreased. Should we have told Mom why the mouse population decreased?