Friday funny

garret_3

lol!

Mitch_4

mixed poetry - different from Dan's

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC
FIRST LINE BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1) Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

2) I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

3) Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

4) Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

5) Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

6) I want to feel your sweet
embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

7) I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

8) My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

9) I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

10) My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

11) My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".

12) What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Supply House Rick

Dave Barry's Favorite Rock Band Names

The Cotton-Eating Moths of Australia

The Turkey Spiders

The Flaming Salmonella Units

Excessive Deer Doots

Rival Bat Dung Gatherers

The Fecal Pellets

The Wood Tick Snorkels

Heave

Squatting Turnips

The Bones of Contention

Pinot Noir and his Nuances of Toast

The Fabulous Snake Doots

Shy Fruiter and the Saplings

Weasel Nostrils

Three Fatty Acid Radicals

The Flaming Booty Moths

Earl Piedmont and the Diphthongs

Slippery Spleens

Sheep Eyeballs

The Flaming Croutons

Rodent Passion

Flaming Squirrels

Balky Charcoal

St. Vincent and The Grenadines

The Biscuit Whackers

Gaseous Worms

Raymond Burr's Legs

Shark Puke

Jimmy Music and the Stomach Contents

Little Heed

Short Shrift

Gastric Contents

The Urban Professionals

The Phlegmtones

The Federal Duck

Crotch

Effluent, Sliced Meat

The Postal Patrons

The Vestigial Organs

Decomposing Tubers

Diminished Penile Sensation

Bill and the Bracts

The Foliage Eaters

Crab Shrapnel

DeWayne Hurlmont and the Compunctions of Soul

Contaminated Tumbleweeds

Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces

Violently Fracturing Water Closets

The Flying Shards

The Fierce Prune-Eating Hamsters from Space

Duane Ketter and his Wildlife Technicians

Paint-Peeling Puffs of Flatulence

Mosquito Hunter and the Unreliable Pollinators

The Mighty Shaking Wattles (for the Rolling Stones)
Bleeding Nipples

Rapid Sucking Action

Nuclear Underpants

Marcel and the Turpitudes

The Groin Whappers

Thrusting Balloon Puppies

Drastic Toilet Air

The Eerie Groin Legumes

Drawers Full of Slugs

Groping for Elmo

The Pig-Stinging Jellyfish

Fugitive Squirrel and the Clearly Disturbed Beavers

The Moos of Derision

Elmo Wendorf and the Cow Fitters

Disoriented Chickadees

Pain and Suffering

Mature Hamsters

Weasel Feet

Kung Fu Trees

Combat Alfalfa

Hearty Polyp Chuckles


*Enjoy... Back from vacation, Rick

Brad White_81

And let's not forget the decay of modern language

Forgive the bovine scatalogical, but the combinations of web and title terminology makes as much sense as most meetings I find myself attending:


http://www.bullshitjob.com/titles.html

http://www.dack.com/web/****.html

ScottMP

I'm pretty sure

I've seen a couple of those groups.

AT least I stink I am.

Scott

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Supply House Rick

Mark Your Calendars Today!!!

Ahoy Matey's

"National Talk Like A Pirate Day" is in the not too distant future

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/

Mark your calendar today

Sincerely,

Supply House Da Vinci

Brad White_81

And of course you know the one.....

"What movie rating do they give to pirate movies?"

A: Arrrrrrr!

ScottMP

A Pirate

walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender says Hey you've got a steering wheel in your pants.

The Pirate says " ARRRGGG... its driving me nuts "



Hey is this thing on ??

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Brad White_81

One of my favorites, Scott...

In fact it is the post-script to the pirate with the peg-leg, hook and patch and the stories behind them...involves a seagull....

Thanks, Scott!

Wayco Wayne_2

I know that one

How did you get the peg leg? Arrrr! I fell overboard and a shark bit off me leg. How did you get your hook. I lost me hand fighting Pirates in a sword fight. How did you get your eye patch. Arrrr a seagull pooped in me eye. ....... Well... it was me first day with the hook. (D'oh!!!) WW

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Tony_23

Monkey joke

A man walks into a bar w/ his monkey and orders a drink. While he's finishing his drink the monkey runs and jumps all over the place eating everything it gets it's hands on. Peanuts, ice cubes, coasters, finally up onto the pool table and eats the cue ball ! The bartender yells, "Hey, get that damn monkey outta here, he just ate the cue ball !" So the guy leaves.

Two weeks later he comes in again, monkey in tow. Same thing happens, except this time the monkey picks up stuff, sticks it in his rear then eats it. The bartender is grossed out along w/ all the other patrons. He says," Do you see what your monkey's doing this time ?"

Guy says," Yup. Ever since he passed that cue ball he checks everything for fit, before he eats it."

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