Happy Holidays to all my Wall-eyed friends...

Weezbo

Santa must be really challanged these days with all the rules and regulations. Poor guy :( Well,maybe "Pumping Away" would be a nice gift at Christmas ...You cant go wrong with a good book . Habby New Years! its warming up tomorrow! I live in North Pole,it was about 30 below today and i hear that tomorrow it will warm up to 29 below :) Thank God for our Blessings this Year...each and every day .

Mark Eatherton1

Politically correct Night Before Christmas...

This doesn't even come close to touching Yates version, but thought you might enjoy it.

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves"
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E P A
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened"

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation
Demanding millions in over-due compensation

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz
Demanding from now on her title was Ms

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her
Nothing that might be construed to pollute
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise
Nothing for just girls. Or just for boys
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific

No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth
Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was ecological

No baseball, no football ... someone could get hurt;
Besides; playing sports exposed kids to dirt
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay
But you've got to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue
Everyone, everywhere ... even you
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth ...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth"

Based on an unoriginal earwig from P Halliwell , December 1996.

ME

eleft_4

Thank you Mark and peace be with you also.

Ken D.

Good Job.

Thanks. And a Merry Christmas and Happy Chanuka.

Unknown

Good try Mark.

The other guy that writes for Contractor has allways got a good one.

I'm sure he's going to give us something really good if he has the time.

Be well ME.

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Dave Yates (PAH)

No contest - I concede!

That's a gut buster & a good chuckle. I'm weary of being PC anymore. So much so, that some of the pundits on the news cable chanels who are wing-nuts to the left and right offer un-PC entertainment value that can't be beat.

In a burg just north of here, the school board is rife with anger and deeply divided over teaching about human evolution. The new classroom book includes stuff about religion, you see, and that has people at each others throghts. From my own twisted point of view, it seems to me we should be teaching the children about all aspects and giving them credit for having enough smarts to study the issues. After all, that's why I sent my kids to school - to learn.

In another town a short distance away, there's a public park with a munument that holds a bronze tablet on its surface. On that tablet reside the Ten Commandments. One person in the whole town objected and a furror erupted that involved the American Civil Liberties Union who filed suit against the town. The town has since sold a very tiny chunk of the ground upon which the monument sits in an effort to avoid the tens of thousands moving it will cost and that, as you fully expect by now, caused the ACLU to go crazy. New lawsuits!

I see crazy stuff every day in the attitudes of drivers as they frenetically rush about in crazed shopping stupors.

And then yesterday I dropped off a package to "Brown" so they can be an elf for a moment too. They don't know it, but the hopes of one child I've never met are riding with Brown until tomorrow when that package is supposed to be delivered to New York Cares. Extra batteries and a bit of cash to buy whatever suits his fancy were included with best wishes from Santa & Mrs. Claus.

And last night, my ex-Assistant Scoutmaster who has roughly a month to live and is being eaten alive by cancer made it a point to come to my son's Eagle Board of Review. No longer able to speak, he wrote his questions for Mike to answer. His own son is just a few months shy of making Eagle and they are keenly aware he won't be there at the finish. Yet, his spirits remain bright and he is a true profile in courage. I have never witnessed such bravery.

Let the PC world revel in their stupidity as they struggle to offend not a single soul. How bland their existance would be if ever they succeeded! I'll content myself to hang out here and with others who exhibit tolerance for others and compassion for their fellow men, women, children and allow room for diverse opinions and beliefs - all the while granting everyone a full measure of respect.

No blue or red states in my eyes. The nonsense that still remains reminds me of the Dr. Suess story about the Star Belly Sneetches (SP?). Good reading if you haven't yet.

End of soapboxing(G).

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Unknown

Oh come on Dave,

We are counting on you:-)

http://forums.invision.net/Thread.cfm?CFApp=2&Thread_ID=21716&mc=2

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