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Happy Holidays to all my Wall-eyed friends...

Weezbo Member Posts: 6,232
Santa must be really challanged these days with all the rules and regulations. Poor guy :( Well,maybe "Pumping Away" would be a nice gift at Christmas ...You cant go wrong with a good book . Habby New Years! its warming up tomorrow! I live in North Pole,it was about 30 below today and i hear that tomorrow it will warm up to 29 below :) Thank God for our Blessings this Year...each and every day .


  • Mark Eatherton1
    Mark Eatherton1 Member Posts: 2,542
    Politically correct Night Before Christmas...

    This doesn't even come close to touching Yates version, but thought you might enjoy it.

    'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
    How to live in a world that's politically correct?
    His workers no longer would answer to "Elves"
    "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves
    And labor conditions at the north pole
    Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul
    Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety
    Released to the wilds by the Humane Society
    And equal employment had made it quite clear
    That Santa had better not use just reindeer
    So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
    Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

    The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
    The ruts were termed dangerous by the E P A
    And people had started to call for the cops
    When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops
    Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened
    His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened"

    And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows
    Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
    And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation
    Demanding millions in over-due compensation

    So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife
    Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life
    Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz
    Demanding from now on her title was Ms

    And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
    That making a choice could cause so much commotion
    Nothing of leather, nothing of fur
    Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her
    Nothing that might be construed to pollute
    Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot
    Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise
    Nothing for just girls. Or just for boys
    Nothing that claimed to be gender specific
    Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific

    No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth
    Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth
    And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden
    Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden
    For they raised the hackles of those psychological
    Who claimed the only good gift was ecological

    No baseball, no football ... someone could get hurt;
    Besides; playing sports exposed kids to dirt
    Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
    And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away

    So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
    He just could not figure out what to do next
    He tried to be merry, tried to be gay
    But you've got to be careful with that word today
    His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
    Nothing fully acceptable was to be found

    Something special was needed, a gift that he might
    Give to all without angering the left or the right
    A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision
    Each group of people, every religion;
    Every ethnicity, every hue
    Everyone, everywhere ... even you
    So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth ...
    "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth"

    Based on an unoriginal earwig from P Halliwell , December 1996.

  • eleft_4
    eleft_4 Member Posts: 509
    Thank you Mark and peace be with you also.

  • Ken D.
    Ken D. Member Posts: 836
    Good Job.

    Thanks. And a Merry Christmas and Happy Chanuka.

  • Good try Mark.

    The other guy that writes for Contractor has allways got a good one.

    I'm sure he's going to give us something really good if he has the time.

    Be well ME.

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  • Dave Yates (PAH)
    Dave Yates (PAH) Member Posts: 2,162
    No contest - I concede!

    That's a gut buster & a good chuckle. I'm weary of being PC anymore. So much so, that some of the pundits on the news cable chanels who are wing-nuts to the left and right offer un-PC entertainment value that can't be beat.

    In a burg just north of here, the school board is rife with anger and deeply divided over teaching about human evolution. The new classroom book includes stuff about religion, you see, and that has people at each others throghts. From my own twisted point of view, it seems to me we should be teaching the children about all aspects and giving them credit for having enough smarts to study the issues. After all, that's why I sent my kids to school - to learn.

    In another town a short distance away, there's a public park with a munument that holds a bronze tablet on its surface. On that tablet reside the Ten Commandments. One person in the whole town objected and a furror erupted that involved the American Civil Liberties Union who filed suit against the town. The town has since sold a very tiny chunk of the ground upon which the monument sits in an effort to avoid the tens of thousands moving it will cost and that, as you fully expect by now, caused the ACLU to go crazy. New lawsuits!

    I see crazy stuff every day in the attitudes of drivers as they frenetically rush about in crazed shopping stupors.

    And then yesterday I dropped off a package to "Brown" so they can be an elf for a moment too. They don't know it, but the hopes of one child I've never met are riding with Brown until tomorrow when that package is supposed to be delivered to New York Cares. Extra batteries and a bit of cash to buy whatever suits his fancy were included with best wishes from Santa & Mrs. Claus.

    And last night, my ex-Assistant Scoutmaster who has roughly a month to live and is being eaten alive by cancer made it a point to come to my son's Eagle Board of Review. No longer able to speak, he wrote his questions for Mike to answer. His own son is just a few months shy of making Eagle and they are keenly aware he won't be there at the finish. Yet, his spirits remain bright and he is a true profile in courage. I have never witnessed such bravery.

    Let the PC world revel in their stupidity as they struggle to offend not a single soul. How bland their existance would be if ever they succeeded! I'll content myself to hang out here and with others who exhibit tolerance for others and compassion for their fellow men, women, children and allow room for diverse opinions and beliefs - all the while granting everyone a full measure of respect.

    No blue or red states in my eyes. The nonsense that still remains reminds me of the Dr. Suess story about the Star Belly Sneetches (SP?). Good reading if you haven't yet.

    End of soapboxing(G).

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