Funny/Outrageous Stories re customers or contractors

makemelaugh

collecting outrageous/funny stories for humor book - we all need to laugh or go #$$%%.. So what's the funniest or most outrageous thing that's happened to you with a customer? If you're a customer, same question re your contractor?

For example,
What's the most outrageous excuse customer gave you for not paying bill?
What's funniest thing you found on job site?
Most outrageous request customer made?

happy to give you credit if you provide ID.

Thank you.

LEAD PIPE

Interesting day at Toyota

This dosen't involve heating but this just happened to me on Monday. I work midnights (11-7) and had training from 7 to 11 after my shift. I was very tired but being the end of the month I wanted to call around and see what price I could get on a new Toyota Sienna.
I got hold of a dealer that is 1.5 hours drive they told me they could beat the price I had and had 3 in stock. I called back and spoke with someone different and confirmed this info.
I hit traffic, 2 hours later "we can't beat that price and we don’t have any in stock, sorry." So naturally I'm pissed, but I keep my cool and ask to speak to the manager, "sorry, nothing I can do for you". As I'm leaving I say to him this isn't right, I should get a sigh and protest your dealership, I had no intention of doing this just blowing off some steam, but then he laughs at me and says "Yeah right" This set me off.
I go to the store buy some poster board a black magic marker, a broom (for the handle) and made a sign. One side said THEY LIE! And the other side said LIARS. I walked back and forth in front of their place for 4 hours. I got much support from the passing public and in that time only 3 cars went into the lot. I was amazed at the support I got. Horns blowing, people had their turn signals on to turn into the dealers and they would see me and keep driving. Many people pulled over and asked to speak with me.
Toyota called the police 3 times trying to get rid of me. Finally some big wig got wind of all this. I think my friends call to the Toyota requesting information on the "protest" that was going on in front of one for their dealerships. Now they come out, after 4 hours and 3 calls to the cops, saying why don't you let us help you. Why didn't they try before all this? I tell them I wouldn't buy a car from them and at this point I'm looking for some payback. I also tell them that I'm coming back with 2 friends on Saturday and if they bother the cops again I'm making a complaint that all their cars parked on the side walk are blocking my path (they had 15 cars each with about 2' of their front ends over the side walk. This would have shut down their lot, this stops all the calls to the cops)
It starts raining, I keep marching. Mr. Big shows up gets my side goes inside talks to his people, comes out, apologizes and tells me he has a car and will give it to me at invoice if I stop protesting.

I picked up the car on yesterday

Ted_9

That's cool, your my hero for the day.

ernie_3

called to No Heat

Got the call for No Heat. The cellar door is unlocked.
Went in the basement and the oil burner was locked out on safety. Went through all the steps. All fuel parts, flush the line check the transformer....all set right? I left and called in. During my next service call the no heat came back in. Hmmmmm......that's strange! Went back. I had entered the wrong house. What are the odds that the neighbor's boiler was locked out on safety? On "re-arrival"
noticed a different co's tech going into the neighbors house! He was loving life. Tried to get him to do my real No heat. Yeah right. Boss got a kick out of it.

ed wallace

outrageuos

went to install new pvc vent on power vent propane water heater at a lawyers house he asked if i am qualified to hook up vent i asked back are you qualified to practice law

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Don L.

apartments

I'm retired now, sold my house and moved into an apartment. As you know, apartment maintenance personnel are notorious for their extreme incompetence. One month after move in, there's strange smells coming from the air conditioner. I pull the ceiling unit, and evaporator coil is 50% clogged with muck. Maintenance head says they normally never service them except for filters, and refuses, he's too busy, so I clean it up myself and put it back. Cleared out condensate line. Unit also has electric coils decorated with 5 pounds of cobwebs. Then, water appears in my closet. (closet is 3' below grade). I investigate a bit and find out it comes from the sprinkler just outside the wall. Tech then partially plugs sprinkler head with a piece of putty. Landscaper comes around a week later to see that sprinkler not working. Replaces head. The next day, water is saturating the wall and carpet. I go out, remove sprinkler head, cap it off and place 12 inches of concrete on top to prevent further tampering. (All this was discussed repeatedly and put in writing with the manager well beforehand, and all I received was a blank stare and the go ahead to do the work myself. Remember, I'm retired and need something to do). Water problem fixed. Now, I remove 6' X 4' saturated dry wall, insulation, and replace. There was a little old mold in there, so problem had existed for at least 10 years. Drywall had been patched in the past. Maintenance tech comes around again to texture and paint. Makes a mess of it. (all that he is trained to do). Two techs get fired over this, and manager is grateful to have apartment fixed right. I deduct all my expenses and labor from rent according to the letter of the law. It would have been easier to move. I did get a free carpet extraction!

Rudy

honda

had a honda '87 my fathers. He bought this car brand new and retuned 5 yaers later with the car stalling. the techs at the honda dealer checked the car and sayed we put dry gas in causing the problem and we had to change the whole fuel system..... he showed us a fuel pump and sayed it came from our car........ I was 15 years old and I knew that the fuel pump on my fathers car was electric and not manual like the one he showed us. we took the car and left...... Later we found dirt in the carb was the cause. Two cans of gas treatment solved the problem.......

Ken D.

Stories

After all these years,I have a million of them. Here's one that sticks out 20 years ago, I get a service call for no hot water in middle of summer I arrive and the water heater is up to temperature and plenty of hot water. The customer- in a heavy accent of a European country- tells me that they did nothing to make unit start working. I check out the heater and all faucets. Nothing wrong. I tell the woman of the house- she of European accent- that unit is operating properly at this time and to call if there is another problem. I'm backing down the driveway and she comes running out yelling " you SOB I told you there was no hot water! Now I'm really puzzled. I walk back in listening to her muttering the whole time in her accent about how stupid us Americans are. She points to the running kitchen faucet that had copious hot water minutes ago and says "see- what did I tell you?" She had a Delta single stick faucet that the handle was in the middle (luke warm position). I pushed the handle to the left (The hot side) and Voila, Hot water. All I could do was look at her and bite my tongue to avoid an unpleasant scene. She lived in that house for several years and still did not know how the faucet worked. Whoda thunk it? The boss, who was not known for his sense of humor,laughed like heck for a couple minutes and still laughs when reminded.

tommyoil

mixed up driver

Worked with a guy who delivered fuel. With the homeowners living at a different address, the delivery instructions on the ticket were "bring back ticket and mail". So, here it is, end of shift and here comes the driver with his delivery ticket book and a hand full of mail. When we asked what was up he said " I broughta backa the tick anda the mail". He has NEVER lived it down.

lchmb

customer out of oil

At the time was delivering fuel for a larger company. I was radio dispatched to a location that was located in the middle of no where for a "out of fuel". I arrived and filled the tank (which was empty) and went to the door to prime the system. As I walked up on the front porch I noticed a full glass door and could hear country music. As I reached to knock on the door I noticed a young lady (21-25) dancing in the middle of the living room in her birthday suit!! Not exactly sure what to do I started to back up when I noticed Rover laying in front of the door growling. Figuring he was going to bark anyway, I tapped on the door. She was off like a shot down the hallway!!! Not sure who's face was redder but I never said a word. She decided to have her husband prime the boiler when he got home. She did have a nice tatoo!!!

Pinball

Electric Oil?

One day, a few years back, I went on a service call for "no heat". When I got there, I was greeted at the door by a 8o somthing year old lady. I went to the basement to check out the unit, and after just a few minutes, realized she was out of oil. I called the office on the radio and found she was a "will call" account and hadn't ordered fuel in about six months. (it was now May). I went inside and explained to her she was out of fuel. It was then that she informed me that she had "electric heat" But the oil co. always fixed it for her when somthing went wrong. (The owner of the company did have alot of friends and would have servicemen do some odd things occaisonally) sooooo.. Thinking the customer is always right, I went back down stairs, and tried to find out what was going on. After looking all over the place, and finding absolutly no evidence of electric heat, I went back upstairs, and talked to the lady again.(maybe I was missing somthing here?)
Then she began to explain to me, that the last time she had no heat, the nice servicman told her there was no electric, (Blackout) and would'nt have any until the power co. restored service. So thinking she had electric heat, she stopped ordering oil! "I'm not paying for oil AND electric if I don't have to!" I dumped in 10 gallons of kero got her started, and spent the next 1/2 hour explaining to her she needs BOTH. The delivery truck was there within the hour and filled the tank. 20 years later I still laugh when I think of this!
Al Bruno
Kingston NY

EJW

Sounds like

a service call I went on once, waterlogged pressure tank and leaking faucet. The lady opens the door and says "thank god my husband finnaly called to get this fixed". I go downstairs and recharge the waterlogged tank, then upstairs to repair the faucet. 2-3 hours later the office calls on the radio and wants to know when I am going to get to Mr. Jones house. I tell him its all set his wife let me in and I fixed the problems. There is a long pause and he comes back to say " Well Mr Jones has been home all day and he's not married". I could have died of laughter right in the truck! The husband at the wrong house called the office a few days later to find out why we just showed up. After the explaination he told my boss to send a bill, and he was good enough to pay it.

EJW

No hot water call

Walk into the kitchen and there's a note: Mr plumber we have no hot water, we have a electric hot water heater, the heater is in the basement, the basement is downstairs.


I swear on my kids this is true!! EJW

Harold

Related story

This is not directly heating realted but is about oil tank. I purchased a house in Mass. In Mass everything not explicitly allowed is forbidden. When buying a house a lawyer MUST be hired. If you don't have one (or don't want one) the mortgage company will hire one and charge you.

At closing - the lawyer, who had nothing else to do, announced that we would have to pay for the oil remaining in the fuel tank. My response - we have gas heat (conversion) and if there is an oil tank on the property the transaction is at an end until the seller removes it and performs any remediation required. Lawyer - uhhg. Never mind.

Robert O'Connor_7

This shouldn't be funny!

As an apprentice,(maybe second year??)(mmmmmany moons ago)I was sent to clear a kitchen sink stoppage in a large garden apartment complex. I must have put that snake in there 20 times to no avail. Finally the mechanic I was with (who just finished his job in another unit) says to me "KID" "Ya gotta do it like DIS" (he proceeded to reverse the snake and send it in real slow). Wouldn't ya know it, he got it, reaffirming my BOOT status. Anyway, hours later when we returned to the shop the boss asked if we took care of the problem and the mechanic cheesed me right out to the boss as if I never even attempted the job myself and that it was ALL him. "Well what did the kid do" the boss asked? "Who knows, I think he was outside cleaning the truck". First of all I HATED this guy (so did everyone else there) he was the kinda guy who would loaf off all day and as soon as the boss was in site would practically knock you down & take the tools out of your hands just so it looked like HE was working and NOT you (I"m sure some of you know this type) Anyway, the boss proceeds to tell him about a call he just received from the super at the complex asking if we were working in the unit next to where the job was. The mechanic says "NO, Why?". Aparently when I was snaking the drain the cross fitting serving both apartments allowed the snake to enter the other unit and (I know this shouldn't be funny but it is) was wildly whipping around in the other apartment and was striking the tennents father (I know this shouldn't be funny) who was in a wheel chair and attempted to call the police while it was happening but the snake ripped the phone out of his hands and severed the phone line. The poor guy was really shook up and had some "Marks" on him and, well the kitchen was trashed, broken dishes, broken light fixture, nick nacks busted, ect, ect. The boss had to go there and asses the carnage for himself and upon his return fired the mechanic who NOW proceeded to blame me. I did admit to the damage and I went back after work to help with the clean up but the boss knew this guy was responsible for me and knew I wouldn't lie about it if asked. I guess his own lie got him in a twist A? This poor guy in the aptartment did forgive me and when the son came home said "Holy S$it, it looks like someone blew up a zebra"...Robert O'Connor/NJ

Leo

Harry's oil comment

We get calls all the time to stick an oil tank and to me it it's always a joke. Here is your half million dollars Mr Jones for the house. Mr Jones then says and you owe me $250 for the oil left in the tank. Around here a quarter million dollar house is average.

Leo

Wayco Wayne_2

I was sitting in my Dentists chair

the dentistwas about elbow deep in my mouth and he tells me he has never had adequate heat in his house. The house was 20 years old and he had lived there for 15 years. Later when I was able to answer, I suggest that I look at it and barter on the Dental bill. I walk into his house and notice electric baseboard, wood stove, and portable electric heaters all over the house. Apparently they are not comfortable. They have a forced air electric furnace with ducts that is supposed to supply the house with heat. The furnace operates but has a high temp difference between supply and return. What's causing the resriction in air flow? I eventually take off the vertical return duct from the furnace to the connection above. The return has been lined with accoustical duct liner and the installer forgot to cut out the liner in the horizintal duct above before connecting the vertical duct down to the furnace. I cut the liner out and re-assemble the ducts. Furnace works fine for the first time in 20 years. The dentists wife hears the air coming out of the supply registers and says, "what's that?" I have had many referals over the years from my Dentists for is very grateful and finally warm at home.

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Dave Yates (PAH)

Robert!

I'm ROTFLMAO! Thanks for the hearty chuckle. Somewhat similar experience - less the personal injuries. Only in my case, it was the throw rug lying in front of the neighboring apt's kit sink. Wrapped up in the auger and brought me to a grinding halt. We had to wait for the neighbor to arrive before we could (red-faced) retrieve the snake.

Weirdest one for me though, was as follows:

While trying to clear a blocked drain, the mechanic returned to retrieve me (the apprentice) for help. No matter what we did, we couldn't clear that 3rd floor line - not mechanically anyway & we even tried the roof vent - no go. Fish scales and guts proved to be too tough.

So..................... acid was applied - a two-gallon shot. Sure enough, about fifteen minutes later - whoooosh. We were feeling pretty good & anxious to get outta Dodge. T'was a holiday & we were only supposed to work 1/2 day. We were on OT & our bosses hated OT.

Passing the first floor barmaids apt, she came screaming out into the hallway claiming we'd ruined her holiday turkey! Upon inspection, we found a partially dissolved and discolored (about 1/3 up its sides) turkey and lots of fish scales in her kit sink! Seems the blockage cut loose on the third floor, raced to the 1st floor and lodged in a bend for a few minutes - long enough to back up in her sink and attack her bird. (Common 2" CI stack serving three apt kitchens.)

Our bosses were not the least bit amused & had to buy her a new turkey.

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bob young

dropping acid

we never use acid of any kind. two gallons in a 2 " stack sounds unbelievably risky.

jerry scharf_2

this one is second hand

but it's funny enough to pass on.

Guy is running a computer data center. You know, the ones with the raised tile floors and the cables stewn underneath.

So it's a bad weather day and it has really rained alot. It's just about time to go home and the water alarm for the underfloor goes off. He runs into the room, pulls up a tile where the drain is, and a 4 foot spout of foul brown water is gushing into his room. He tries to put the tile back down, but no go. He hits the panic shutdown for the whole room. He's now covered in the dreck and goes running into the hall shouting for help. People are shocked by how he looks and him saying there's a fountain of this coming into the computer room. It lasted a few more minutes and then the water slowly drains away. Muck is everywhere, the entire system is down for days as vendor technicnans cleaned and certified the systems operational.

So what happened? Well, the leaves had plugged all the drains from the roof. There was a great deal of standing water, so they called in the first person they could get in with a snake before the roof collapsed. He hauls the snake up to the roof, wades out and starts looking for something to clean out. The first thing he found in the muck was the vent for the computer room emergency drain and he cleaned it out! The data center was 2 floors straight down. An entire roof of mucky water with 20 feet of head! Finally somebody screamed up there to cap it off, and only that stopped the flood. They then helped the person find a roof drains to clean.

It's the second funniest computer operator story I've heard, and it just seemed related.

jerry

Jim_47

stories

My Brother was home from the Navy (he was in Beruit, early 80's) Anyway, He was excited to get to work on something. We were installing an Ejector pump system and he was on his knees in the pump pit and I was installing the vent line up on a ladder. The next thing that happened was an accident I swear, I knocked the coffee can of nails over off the ladder and about 2 dozen nails ended up in my brothers pants. Entry by way of his plumbers crack. He has never displayed a crack since.

Guy_5

yuck

This happened to one of my former co-workers: Are you familiar with the expression " treat every gun as if it were loaded'? Well, we all learned to treat every home as if it were occupied.
He needed to drain the boiler, and the quickest/easiest way was to remove the cleanout from the sewer line. No sooner did he get the plug out when the previously unknown occupant flushed. There wasn't a shower long enough or hot enough for him that afternoon.

Matt Undy

Are you sure about the electric pump? Waht model was it? My 87 civic had a mechanical fuel pump and I thought all the carburated models had mechnaical pumps. I also had problems with dirt collecting in the float bowl, holding the needle open, and flooding it. I used isopropyl drier without a problem. The aftermarket rebuild kit I installed had it's accelerator pump diphragm disolve but i never had a problem with factory parts.

I also had to repalce the fuel pump at about 10 years, not because the diphragm had any problem but becuase the dicharge nipple pulled out of the casting.

If it was an Accord or Accura maybe it was electric but the carburated civics were still mechanical. I'm not saying they were showing you your pump or that they weren't trying to rip you off, just that it probably was a mechanical pump.

Matt

ScottMP

One of our larger accounts

We have a complex of buildings we take care of and we got the job thanks to the previous ... uh... I hestitate to call him a tradesman.

Seems they had a clogged WC and he ran the snake donw thru the bowl. He had a hard time as it kept binding up. Now these apts. ar'nt occupied by the best of people, and when he finnaly brought the snake back it had a knitted plant hanger twisted in the it. The plumber remarked what animals these people are and told the maintenence man it was all set.

The maintenence man decide to make sure the bathroom next door ( which are back to back ) was O.K., so he walked into the bathroom.

The floor was soaking wet.

The WC was broken.

There was a hole in the cieling and a plant was smashed on the floor.

And that kids, is how we got the account

Scott

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Robert O'Connor_7

Dave..

What is ROTFLMAO??? I know it sounds dumb but I'm not so hip on these new computor lingos...Robert O'Connor/NJ

ScottMP

me , me ..

I know this one.

Rolling On The Floor, Laughing My A%$ Off.

Dave is Soooooo hip.

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Dave Yates (PAH)

A hip-hop hippie!

Thought I was hip till I read today's paper regarding text messaging. Seems the kids have discovered text messaging works great for cheating during tests! Danged if I could understand the lingo listed as test answers teachers caught in-the-act.

As for dropping acid? There was an incident prior to that one where this apprentice darn near lost his eyesight & a cast iron wall-hung kitchen sink (you know the type - about 5' long) had its enamel softened to a point where you could wipe it off the cast iron like icing on a cake! The bosses were mighty steamed.

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Tom_35

Funny letter

We had run a newspaper ad for air conditioning tune-ups a couple of years ago. The tune-up came with a guarantee that if the customer's A/C had any problems after our tune-up that we would repair it at no charge. Following is a letter we received from a guy (he didn't sign his name but we figured out who he was---from a small town of 400 or so people about 20 miles from our town). I am listing his wording just as he printed it.

The letter was addressed to Head Honcho:

You sent someone to check mine out and the checker closed the lid on a wire which shorted out and caused the fan to stop, which cut of my cooled air, which was supposed to result in my running to you to buy a new heat pump. Nice try---What really happened, I was at the local cafe where I was telling the two o'clock coffee club my problem and that I supposed I would have to be out the expense of a new heat pump.

The nice, honest man said, "No, No, thee might not be all that much wrong with the heat pump. Call Bennie, he really knows heat pumps and he will be honest with you". I called Bennie who found the cut wire in five minutes, repaired it in ten minutes and charged me $20. and he had made a thirty mile trip which the $20 included! You will find that greed and dishonesty does not pay. I believe from all your wild, desparate advertising that you are near bankruptcy and I hope so.


Had this guy read the ad he would have seen where we would have come back free. I'm also betting that Bennie doesn't keep his door open very long making service calls where he drives 60 miles round trip and charges $20.

Tom Atchley

Dave L_2

stories

We had to move a bed in this womans daughters room so my helper SHOVES the bed and out comes a vibrator and when it hits the floor it turns on !!!! The woman picked it up, shut it off and walked in the other room. I thought my head was going to explode it was so FUNNY !!!!

bill clinton_3

Brother in law's story

Waaay back when he was a freshman in college, my brother in law was into science. He lived with his uncle who had a basement my brother in law had converted into a chemistry lab. Lots of mean and nasty stuff on those shelves.

One day, the upstairs drain pipe clogged. They tried a plunger at the toilet but couldn't make any headway. If you waited an hour or so, the water would slowly drain and you could get one good flush from the toilet.

My brother in law waited that hour. He then went down to the basement and got the jar where he kept metallic sodium submerged in kerosene. The kerosene was so the sodium couldn't contact air as it would spontaneously combust. Brother in law knew sodium reacts violently with water. He took a small hunk of his sizable supply, wrapped it in kerosene soaked cloth, took it upstairs and flushed it down the toilet. The package traveled with the water til it hit the blockage and water soaked through. A muffled WHOMP! Waste line cleared. Brother in Law proud. Uncle very impressed.

Two weeks later, brother in law sitting in room studying. KAAWHHAAAAM! Brother-in-law runs to source of explosive sound; opens bathroom door. Water and pottery shards everywhere. Uncle standing right over where toilet used to be. Hand still extended as it was when he dropped the whole unprotected supply of metallic sodium in the bowl.

I always crack up thinking what the look on his face must have been.

Bill

Mike Reavis_2

keep your copper fittings out of your change pocket.

I was the serviceman for a small air conditioning firm. A call came in from the installation department that a new system ran, but would not cool at all. After going through my pressure checks, I started to search under the house for a kinked refrigerant lineset. I nearly had the crew replace the whole lineset, when I found a 7/8 inch copper line with a coupling. I cut it out, and found a nickle neatly silver-brazed and completely blocking the refrigerant flow. The apprentice admitted to putting the fitting in his pocket, and being in a cramped crawlspace, never thought to check it before he installed it. The coupling served as a paperweight on the service manager's desk for a long time.

John Starcher_4

Not a specific incident, but......

......it always makes me smile.

Upon giving the client your estimate or quote, they reply, "Gee, I didn't think it would cost that much!"

I respond, "Well Mr. or Mrs. Jones, how much did you think it would cost?"

"I don't know, I just didn't think it would be THAT much!"

Starch

John R. Hall

Retail sales

Long before my journalism career, I spent several years in retail sales. Here's two short snippets:

I was working in the hardware department of a major retailer. It was a Sunday, biz was slow, and I was recovering from a Saturday night alcohol/burrito blitz. A couple came in and wanted me to mix up a batch of custom paint. I added the tint, bent over to put the gallon of paint into the shaker on the bottom shelf. As the couple stood directly behind me, my sins of the previous night came out of the... Well, I think you can imagine the scene. I wanted to climb inside that gallon of paint.

In the other scenario I was selling suits for Robert Hall Clothes. I was chomping on a nice piece of Juicy Fruit gum as I was explaining the features of a suit to a shopper. As I began to pull out the suit from the clothes rack, the piece of well-chewed gum fell onto the shoulder of the suit -- and stuck. I didn't skip a beat, suggesting another fine suit a little further down on the rack.

Sure glad I exited retail sales.