Customer Survey...

Dave DeFord

Multiple choice - please underline the answer that best fits what you will do. (DO NOT CIRCLE YOUR ANSWER, PUT A CHECK MARK BY IT, PUT AN X BY IT OR OTHERWISE INDICATE YOUR ANSWER EXCEPT BY UNDERLINING) Please make no marks on this answer sheet!

1. When do you plan to pay me?

a.) I'll give you a check when you're done or within 10 days of being billed

b.) Sometime before you have to call me.

c.) Next spring when I need you to fix my A/C unit.

d.) After you have turned me over to your collection company.

e.) $10 a week till I die.


2. If you think there is a problem how will you treat me?

a.) Invite me over for a cup of coffee (beer) and we'll talk about it.

b.) Call me on the phone screaming and yelling, telling me that all contractors are crooks and that my kids deserve a better man for a father.

c.) Call me after you have called everyone on your Christmas card list, my suppliers, all my relatives down to my second cousins, and the BBB telling everyone what a bum I am.

d.) Call me up and immediately tell me that my next call will be from your cousin that just passed the bar exam.

e.) Immediately call the local hitman and put out a contract on me.


3.) How will you treat the system that I have so carefully installed in your house?

a.) Listen to the verbal instructions that I give you, read all of the manufacturers instructions, Dans entire library, the entire archive from the Wall and pay meticulous attention to it all and then do exactly what it says.

b.) Flip through the manufacturers instructions for 5 minutes then go down to the basement and play with all of the controls to see what they do.

c.) Disassemble the entire boiler, disconnect all of the radiators and drain all of the water and then fire the boiler and call me at 3:00 a.m. when it doesn't work.

d.) Have your Uncle Harry do the above and then call me at 3:00 a.m. to tell me that he could have done the job better for half the price.

e.) Dry fire the boiler for an hour, immediately fill it with cold water and then call me during my kids birthday party to ask about warranty coverage and can you take care of it in the next 10 minutes.


4.) When I do show up in 10 minutes what will be your excuse for not being home.

a.) I left a note on the door that my next door neighbor had a heart attack and I had to take her to the hospital because all of the ambulances were at an airplane crash.

b.) My dog was hungry so I had to go to the store to get him some steak.

c.) My mom and dad were only going to be in town for the next 6 months so we had to have lunch today.

d.) My soaps were on and my back-yard neighbor and I haven't seem them together for over a year so I just had to go to her house today.

e.) My favorite bird that eats at my bird feeder looked a might pekid this morning so I took it to the vet.


5. When your heat bill is $20 higher that it was last year for the same month but the weather was 30 deg. colder than it was last year what will you do?

a.) Carefully compute the average temperature for the month go to the Wall and get the formula that was posted last week do the appropriate math and figure out that your gas bill would have been $200 higher if you hadn't had new boiler installed and send me a thank-you note and a dozen cookies for my hard work.

b.) Remember that is was a lot colder this year and that the bill would have been higher if I hadn't tuned up your system.

c.) Call me up wondering why your gas bill went up and when I remind you that is was 30 deg. colder this year say that you understand and tell all of your friends and neighbors what good work I do.

d.) Call me up complaining that your gas bill was $ 20 higher and demanding to know exactly what I am going to do about it.

e.) Set up a picket line in front of my shop and call the local evening news to tell them what a rip-off that I am and would they please contact their consumer tip line so they can cover the story.


6.) How many times will you call me when you come home early from work due to a power failure and your house is 68 deg.

a.) Never - I realize that a power failue will cause my heating system not to work - but it does anyway because you asked me if I would like a 48 hr. UPS system installed with my system because power failures are common in our area and it will keep my house from freezing up in -50 deg weather which we have 6 mos of the year.

b.) Once, and when you explain to me that my circulator pumps won't work during a black-out I thank you for your trouble and send you a case of beer because your're a good guy.

c.) Once a month when my electricity gets shut off for non-payment.

d.) Everyday for a month when I dig up the undergound electrical service connecting my new hot tub to the properly-sized boiler you installed last week.

e.) Anytime I feel like it because I paid you $100 once and that gives me the right to call you day and night for the rest of my life for free.


Hopefully everyone will take this survey as it is intended - as a humorous way to convey some the problems that contractors have with customers. So next time you want to call up your contractor and tell them exactly what you think make sure you aren't going to be one the people I have written about here. Please remember that I'm a homeowner and not a contracor but I have run a call center for the last 10 years and these aren't that far removed from what actually happens.