Friday Joke

PJO_2

Wallies,

Two jokes involving planes (no particular reason...). Have a great weekend!

PJO



Four Passengers...

A plane with 4 passengers is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basket- ballplayer. The Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States; I am the most ambitious woman in the world. I am also a New York Senator, a potential future President and, above all, the smartest woman in the world." She grabbed the second parachute and left the plane.

The third passenger, Rev. Billy Graham, says to the fourth passenger, a 10 year-old school boy, "I am old and I don't have many years left. As a good Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.

The boy said, "It's ok; there's still a parachute left for you. America's smartest woman just took my school backpack."





It takes an Italian...


On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt...one button at a time.

........No one moves.
........He removes his shirt.
........Muscles ripple across his chest.
........She gasps...

He whispers: "Iron this, and get me something to eat...."

Starch

Saddam Hussein....

....called up all of his body-doubles on a conference call.

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the American infidels have failed in their murderous attempt to end my life. I am still alive, so you all still have your jobs!"

"But, your excellency," one of the lookalikes asked, "we are so overjoyed to hear your life was spared. What bad news could you possibly have?"

"Well," Saddam continued, "I did lose my right arm....."

Steve Eayrs

Finally a blond guy joke!

An irishman, a Mexican, and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I ge corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump of this building!"

The Mexican opened his lunch box and said, "Burritos again! If I even get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too!"

The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a Bologna sandwich on more time I'm jumping too!"

The next day the Irishman opens his lunch, sees corned beef and jumps to his death.

The Mexican opens his, sees a burrito and jumps too.

The blond guy opens his lunch, sees bolgna and also jumps.

At the funeral the Irishmans wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I would have never given it to him again."

The Mexicans wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated my burritos so much!"

Everyone turns and looks at the blond's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He always makes his own lunch!!!!"

Brian (Tankless) Wood

Daniel O Holohan

was lying on his deathbed, clutching the hand of his best friend Murphy McMilne.

"You're me best friend MM, oid loik you to do me a huge favour after oive doi'd. Hidden in me house, Oi've a very rare, 25yr old bottle of Jameson's Oirish Whiskey that oi've been keeping for a special occasion. Oi'd loik you to sprinkle it on me grave after oi'm gone, wouldja moind doing dat 'ting for me".

Murphy McMilne was overcome with emotion at being singled out for this honour, but not to the point to where he didn't ask "Oi would love to, but would ya moind if I pass it tru me kidneys first".

Hands up if you love the Oirish.

Swampster the Brit, in 80 deg' Lousyanna.

Jamie_6

Another Blond joke!

What do you call a smart blond?





A Golden Retriever