Friday Joke

PJO

the Irish...

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.
The doctor after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in
the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it
can't be cured. You'd best put your affairs in order."

O'Malley was shocked and saddened. But, being a solid character,
he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into
the waiting room, where his son had been waiting. "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Lets head to the pub and
have a few pints."

After 3 or 4 pints, or more, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and some more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good as well as the
bad. He went on to tell his friends that they were drinking to his impending
end. He told his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers. After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you told me that you were
dying of cancer, and you just told your friends that you were dying of AIDS!"

O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your
mother after I am gone."


Have a great weekend, wallies! Take care, PJO

Unknown

And......

> the Irish...

>

> An Irishman named O'Malley went

> to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor

> after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked

> O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad

> news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be

> cured. You'd best put your affairs in

> order."

>

> O'Malley was shocked and saddened.

> But, being a solid character, he managed to

> compose himself and walk from the doctor's office

> into the waiting room, where his son had been

> waiting. "Well son, we Irish celebrate when

> things are good, and we celebrate when things

> don't go well. In this case, things aren't so

> well. I have cancer. Lets head to the pub

> and have a few pints."

>

> After 3 or 4 pints,

> or more, the two were feeling a little less

> somber. There were some laughs and some more

> beers. They were eventually approached by some of

> O'Malley's old friends, who were curious as to

> what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them

> that the Irish celebrate the good as well as

> the bad. He went on to tell his friends that

> they were drinking to his impending end. He told

> his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS."

> The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and

> they had a couple of more beers. After the

> friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and

> whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you told

> me that you were dying of cancer, and you just

> told your friends that you were dying of

> AIDS!"

>

> O'Malley said, "I don't want any of

> them sleeping with your mother after I am

> gone."

>

> Have a great weekend, wallies! Take

> care, PJO

Unknown

And......

then O'Malley said," After I'm gone, I'd like you to pour a bottle of this fine Irish whiskey all over me grave."

To which was heard," OK, but do you mind if I drink it first?"

Patrick_4

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers of Qantas lack a
> sense
> > of humor. Here are some logged maintenance complaints by Qantas pilots
> and
> > the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Qantas is the
> only
> > major airline that has never had an accident.
> >
> >
> > P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and
> > S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.
> > ************************************************************
> >
> >
> > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire
> >
> > P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
> > S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
> >
> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >
> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > S: Live bugs on backorder.
> >
> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> >
> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > S: Evidence removed.
> >
> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> >
> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > S: That's what they're there for.
> >
> > P: IFF inoperative.
> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> >
> > P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
> > S: Suspect you're right.
> >
> > P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined
airplane;
> > the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >
> > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> >
> > P: Radar hums.
> > S: Reprogrammed radar with words.
> >
> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > S: Cat installed

Patrick_4

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every summer in Miami for a vacation.
Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's shivering and shaking. The
other flea asks him, " Why are you shaking so badly?" The first flea says, "I
rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a motorcycle.
" The other flea responds saying, " That's the worst way to travel. Try what I
do.
Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there,
look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where its warm
and cozy. Its the best way to travel that I can think of.
" The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next summer.
A year goes by..... When the first flea shows up in Miami he is shivering
and shaking again.
The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?" "Yes," says the first
flea, "I did exactly as you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had
a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right
up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I
woke up, I was back in the mustache of a guy on a motorcycle.

ScottMP

A missionary

Is working with natives and teaching them them the english language and the love of God.

While walking thru the woods with the Chief the missionary decides to teach the chief some english. He approaches a rock and points saying " Rock " The chief grunts "rock".

He then shows the chief a large tree and says " chief Tree ".
The chief grunts and says " Tree ".

The missionary is quite pleased with himself, when he heres a rustling in the bushes. He and the Chief take a look and find two natives making love. The missionary is quite imbarrased and not knowing what to say tells the chief " Riding a Bike ".

The chief looks down and take out his blow gun and shoots the two natives dead.

"No, No " says the missionary " Why did you kill them ? "

The Chief says " My Bike ".

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Mike T., Swampeast MO

What one English word...

...is most likely to be in an Iraqi soldier's vocabulary? "Surrender"

How many Iraqi soldiers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, unless it's in a POW tent--then it takes a garrison.

How many people can an Iraqi soldier kill in an hour? It depends--how many officers told him he shouldn't surrender?

Since Iraqi soldiers can't find pin-ups of Arabian women what do they use? Lebanese boys.