Friday Rib Tickler...(Thanks Matt!)

Mark Eatherton

KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER: IT CAN BE HARD



These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and are things people actually said in court, taken down and now published by court reporters



that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.







ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?



WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?



WITNESS: No, I just lie there.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?



WITNESS: Yes.



ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?



WITNESS: I forget...



ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?



___________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?



WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



____________________________________







ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?



WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.



___________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?



WITNESS: Are you kidding me?



_________________________________________







ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?



WITNESS: Yes.



ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?



WITNESS: Getting laid.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?



WITNESS: Yes.



ATTORNEY: How many were boys?



WITNESS: None.



ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?



WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?



WITNESS: By death.



ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?



WITNESS: Take a guess.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?



WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.



ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?



WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.



_____________________________________







ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?



WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



______________________________________







ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed ondead people?



WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.



_________________________________________







ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?



WITNESS: Oral...



_________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?



WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.



ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?



WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.



____________________________________________







ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?



WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?



______________________________________







And last:







ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?



WITNESS: No.



ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?



WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.



ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?



WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.































--



IN GOD WE TRUST IN GOD WE TRUST IN GOD WE TRUST IN GOD WE TRUST

mars_6

I am glad you liked it

Spent the week up in Kremmling and froze my but off. I was happy to see this in the in box when I came home, it made me smile. I hoped it would for you as well my friend. Matt

Mark Eatherton

I'm up here now...

and it's 36 degrees F. Heat wave compared to 2 weeks ago when it got UP to ZERO...



Radiant windows are COOKING, 84 degrees F. Gonna have to put a restrictor plate on them :-)



ME

Clif Heeney_2

Snowpack

Hey Mark!



It doesn't look like there is much snow on the ground.  What is the snow pack like up in the high country?



Hope that you are doing well, and for now you are at least warm!  :-)

Mark Eatherton

Above normal Clif...

125% above normal for this time of the year, which doesn't really mean much. THe key months are February thru April.



Skier traffic is up 10% over last year, so that's good news.



Warm AND cpmfortable :-)



ME