pretty funny

Bob Gagnon plumbing and heating

A guy walks into a bar with his dog and the bartender says "no dogs in here your going to have to leave" But the guy says "My dog can talk" and the bartender says "alright you can stay if your dog can talk now." So the guy says to the dog "what's on the outside of a tree" and the dog says "bark, bark" and the bartender says "alright you are out of here" and the guy says "wait, alright boy what is the texture of sandpaper, and the dog says "Ruff, Ruff" The bartender says "That's it your going" the guy says "Wait, alright boy who is the greatest hitter of all time?" The dog says "Ruth, Ruth" With that the bartender throws the man and his dog out onto the sidewalk. The man looks down at his dog, and the dog looks up and says "Was it Dimaggio?"

Thanks, Bob Gagnon

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Timco

A guy is shopping garage sales and sees a dog with a sign that says $20. He asks the dog "how's it goin, boy" and the dog replies "fine, and you?"

"wow, a talking dog!!?? What's your story, boy?"

"well, I went to Iraq to entertain troops, then when I got back my owner had moved so I traveled a while and wound up on Broadway in a few extra roles before meeting this guy who liked to hunt. Then I took a few gold medals for retrieving and made a few best in shows before the drinking years and here I am...."

The guy goes to the dogs owner and says :"Wow, that dog can talk!!! And he's just $20???"

Owner says, "Yeah, he can talk, but he's a TOTAL liar..."

Tim

Alan R. Mercurio_3

That is funny,Tim. Here's another one.

When I overheard one of my cashiers tell a customer, "We haven't had it for a while, and I doubt we'll be getting it soon," I quickly assured the customer that we would have whatever it was she wanted by next week. After she left, I read the cashier the riot act.

"Never tell the customer that we're out of anything. Tell them we'll have it next week," I instructed her. "Now, what did she want?"

"Rain."

-- Margaret Arthurs


Your friend in the industry,
Alan R. Mercurio

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Wayco Wayne_2

I heard one last week I liked

A young man from Scotland named Angus wanted to see what life was like in the big city of NY. So he moved there. After a few weeks he got a call from his Mother back in Scotland. So hows the big city, she asks. Ma, the people here are so strange. There's a lady in the apartment next to me that cries all day long. And the Lady on the other side moans and bangs her head on the wall. Well I don't like the sound of that at all son. You steer clear of those city folk. Oh yes mam, replied Angus. I've been staying in my room all day just playing my bagpipes.

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Rich L.

THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES.

Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke."

"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, "I'll get it for you."

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

THE FEW.
THE PROUD.
THE MARINES.