Helpers -- Somewhat Off Topic

Cosmo_3

Is drugs.

I don't care how good a guy, etc, etc, etc he is.

Once someone makes the decision to get involved with drugs, and all the garbage it brings that is where I would part ways. That guy is lost, and it might take him many years to realize how bad his life really is, if he doesn't die first....or take someone with him by mistake or otherwise.

In this case, I think tough love is the best for everyone involved.

Cosmo

Mike T., Swampeast MO

Have I done my duty?

While I normally work alone, I recently tried a new helper. Part of my business (for over 20 years) is a bar/nightclub so I'm no stranger to people who just appear, give a sob story and virtually beg for work.

Sometimes I can provide work. I've learned to have essentially zero expectation other than assuming that good ones will move on rapidly to "better" and bad ones won't even be able to handle reasonable amounts of labor directed by a VERY picky but extremely easy-going boss.

Latest one is different...

Wounded Iraq veteran. Medical discharge due to an unremovable bullet lodged near the bottom of his knee. Army airborne ranger--he has the proper tattoos and knows the lingo. Also worked in AK fishing in the "Most Dangerous Jobs" type ship. Knows the knots and the lingo. He's here in Swampeast MO because he searched the internet and thought he'd get an instant job on a river barge. No valid driver's license and can't get hired by any barge company. (He's told me why--it's all part of a sob story that's FAR too long to repeat.)

His work is decent, and he has no problem being ready early (say 6:00 a.m.) in the morning. But he smells HIDEOUSLY of the after-effects of Vodka for hours each day. I suspect he drinks his lunch and he always wants to knock off work in the early afternoon. I can't trust him near ANYTHING sharp or powerful...

My precision bothers him and he's constantly trying to tell me he could do what I do FAR faster...

After a week, I paid him extra and hinted that it would be best for him to move on. I'm REALLY bad a firing people, but I'm also very good at letting them know what I really think... He took the hint and said, "I quit."

A few days later he's broke, can't pay rent. Found another job (waiter at new bar/restaurant) but needs some money. "OK, but remember you still owe me time."

Picked him up for work this morning at dawn. He asked me, "Do we have to go right now or can you come in?"

Great bomb. He's only been in town for about 3-4 months. He worked for few weeks as the doorman at a strip club across the river in IL. He got turned on by a pair of "really hot" lesbian strippers, plied them with crack cocaine and got them both pregnant!!!! Pregnancy confirmed by tests he bought last night! He already has two kids and as far as I can tell really couldn't care less about the life he has helped create. If I were a violent person he would be wishing he was a eunuch...

He's 27 which I consider old enough to TRULY responsible.

Should I give up? When does stupid turn to hopeless?

BTW: I did ask him why he joined the Army after 9-11. "Money" and to be a "bad-**** ranger". Isn't that what it takes?

Josh_10

Two thumbs down! Hopeless! Waste your time on something you enjoy.

bob young

don't walk---RUN

Sounds like you wanna destroy your life,Mike. why are you even talking to this riff-raff ? take the cash loss & run.

JohnNY

Mike, the guy is in a desperate situation.

Are you going to trust him around your stuff? Your customers' stuff?

I would think not.


You need to run your business. He needs to fix his life.

Show him the door.

I just fired my TOP MECHANIC because he caught his wife cheating on him and he went nuts. Completely fell apart.


Thanks to the GPS trackers we recently installed in our vans, among other things, the guy was in a known bad neighborhood in town for two hours at 2:00 in the morning.


I can't take the risk and we can't let our employees drag us through their dirt.


The result? Everyone else in my company saw this as an opportunity to move into his slot. Everyone's performing better.


In my experience, nothing ever hurts as much as you think it will.





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Mike T., Swampeast MO

He's not a thief.

Mike T., Swampeast MO

Josh:

What you just said is what I told him today when he asked me what I really thought. Such included, "Leave the state if not the country."

It's the war wounds that really get to me even if he was screwed up before...

A HUGE PART OF ME wants to be back in the military because I feel it my solemn duty to share in the sacrifice.

Tony_23

Walk away

You should know, tattoos and lingo knowledge don't make the man or his integrity.
Have you seen his discharge papers ? Did the bullet really come from Iraq ? Sounds like he could've been a lot of places to get a bullet.....
Anyway, you can help a guy down on luck with good morals. You can't fix bad/no morals. He'll suck you into his abyss and you'll pay he!! to get out. No telling the cost. I could tell you how I know, but time is limited....

bruce_21

Don't let yourself get sucked into thinking you can "help" this guy. You can't. He's conning everyone. The best thing you can do for him is to have nothing to do with him. Don't even speak to him.

ScottMP

I agree Tony

Everyone wants to help a Vet but he could have gotten the bullet anywhere and it might not even be a war wound or a bullet for all you know.

You are Not Equiped to help this guy.

Move or the vacuum will suck you down also !

Scott

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Weezbo

Unless he suffers an epiphany,...

You will be the one reliving the war, and an ongoing one at that .

Steverino

no!

Sounds like he has his foot on the accelerator to self-destruction. He's 27 years old going on 8 years old.

There are plenty of people in true need who make a better case than this guy. If he doesn't want to help himself then no one else can.

JohnNY

I didn't say he was a thief.

I said he was in a desperate situation. You or I might not know what it means to REALLY be in such dire straits but history kinda shows that when people are in a real bind they react unpredictably and out of character.

Here in New York City, I've gotten to test that claim more times than I've ever wanted to.

Good luck.
You're a smart guy and I'm sure you'll wind up doing what's best.

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Roland_4

Helpers........

Mike, I sounds like you have a big heart and have gone above and beyond what most people would have done. It is truly painful to see a fellow human being in such a bad spot. Keep in mind that this man is making his own bad choices and by helping him you may ultimately be feeding his addictions. You may also be putting yourself and others in harms way. He alone has to make the decisions about where his life is headed. Right now it looks like he's headed down the toilet. If you want, you can try to hook him up with some kind of counseling to address his many disfunctions. There are organizations which provide services for free or on a sliding scale. You're a good man for trying to help this poor wretch but I say protect yourself and those who depend on you first. Roland.......

Mike T., Swampeast MO

Yep, he's desperate all right. I've certainly dealt with others in deperate situations. Odd that despite his situation and flaws I trusted him around my stuff.

Being in the bar business, I've known plenty of pathological liars and thieves and he had no signs of either.

Some of my other business does involve work in others homes (often high-end homes). I wouldn't have trusted him alone--but it takes months if not years before I trust anyone in that situation...

Mike T., Swampeast MO

Note on his door this a.m. \"In VA Hospital\"

Frankly, I hope he took my best advice and left state but something tells me he really is in the hospital...

schiller

wow

I wonder what % of the above poster have served. I have and I know the feeling you refured to of not being able to do your part. Clearly this guy is in need of help. you CAN find away to help him w/o putting your self, your family or your customers at risk (you should not do that). all too often we see these vets and look away, forgeting what they have done for all of us, some times it makes me sick. we cant do everything for them and often times what you do will not be enough or help them in the way that you want, however YOU will feel better for the attempt. I'm not some wacked out softy, but i believe we owe our vets more than we give them. remember you get what you give
T

Maine Doug_66

We do owe

>>>but i believe we owe our vets more than we give them. remember you get what you give<<<<

but we have to provide the professional services vets need, not amateur hand holding for serious problems. So in cases like this, providing direction to go to appropriate care services and notifying the nearest vets administration. Bad things can happen when such instabilities as shown by this "vet" cause violent reactions or destructive behavior.

The vets administration should be notified or whatever local agency is available. It is like making a service call on flaky equipment. It blew up and you were the last person to touch it. Now what will you do? It is great to be concerned and to do something but that activity should be appropriate to the situation and not create risk for self and family and friends.

Mike T., Swampeast MO

Tough Love

He got a SERIOUS dose today.

Yes, he did go to the VA hospital. (Have a friend there and it's confirmed.) His knee (the one with the bullet still inside) went "out" and had to be repositioned. He got a shot of morphine and a weeks' worth of fairly powerful narcotics. Refused to be admitted.

Called me yesterday afternoon wanting to work. Said "OK, I'll pick you up in the morning."

Get there and he was in acute alcohol withdrawl. He'd spent the last two days in bed drinking and took all the narcotics. Whatever sense of self-preservation he still had left made him dump out his last pint of vodka last night.

Room nearly as cold as ice, he's sweating like crazy, has a fairly high fever, almost deathly pale and trembling. Utterly begging me to get him vodka. He hadn't been off alcohol long enough for the life-threating true DTs. Refused to let me take him to detox or hospital and insisted on working so I got him a half pint. Let him work--just sanding some wood--for a while as I did some web checking.

Not 15 minutes after the vodka he was steady, had color (actually flushed), and temp back to normal. I checked his pulse--80 which is reasonable. He'd been vomiting all night but at least was drinking lots of water due to extreme thirst. Checked him for dehydration--only slight. Checked for pancreatitis--am nearly positive he has but at least not acute.

Fortunately he was scared--VERY scared--so he was honest with me about his drinking. At least a liter a day for a few months--until 2-3 weeks ago when he ran out of money and started working for us. Then he "cut back" to 2 pints a day and 2 liters on the weekend. Has to drink every few hours and even at "cut back" rate, has insomnia, vomiting, etc.

Asked him if he was depressed. "No. I'm angry." I know the ranger types and they hardly ever admit any emotions except anger and aggression to another man.

Printed out this thread and had him read. Could see him gritting his teeth and clenching his hands. "What kind of assholes are these guys?" he asked. Told him, "Mainly plumbers. I know quite a few personally and they're among the best people I've ever known. They're being honest."

Then his eyes welled up, but of course he wouldn't admit he was crying...

Believe it or not, YOU HELPED! Who better than a "bunch of plumbers" to give some seriously tough love???

Place where he's living used to be a motel. Now efficiency apts and weekly rent. Due Monday and they instantly overlock then throw things out rapidly. Won't let him stay here (or store his stuff) but don't want him to loose what he still has left. A mutual friend is going to let him store his stuff and he promises he'll go to local detox on Monday.

He's been denied any disability--and I did verify that the knee problem is war-related. Not uncommon to be denied initially--for whatever reasons vets often have to keep applying. He doesn't want to use VA for detox and possibly make things even worse.

Told him, "If you don't go, I know the right people and the right things to say and I'll have the men in white coats from VA to take you away."

Fortunately our mutual friend went through this years ago (he's now sober and responsible). He knows the only way he'll get into detox is to have zero alcohol in his system and be in nearly the same shape as he was this morning. Bought him enough vodka (plus bananas, juices, sports drinks and vitamins) to keep him out of withdrawl for a couple days and can now only hope he'll follow through on his own. If not, I'll do everything in my power to have him hauled away before he kills himself or seriously hurts someone in a fit of rage.

Mike T., Swampeast MO

I know he smokes weed, but he insists no other drugs. The crack was for the strippers to get them in bed...

gisella

Wow this really sounds messed up. For starters if the guy drinks on the job can his **** pronto no matter what his story is!!!! I'm so glad you got rid of him! Have you found any other replacements since? And if you ever need anyone to help you fire someone just call on me and i'll make the call! You can just say i'm your business partner or something and it wasn't your decision. Plus I would be calling from out of state and heck the guy wont be smashing my car windows any day soon! :}}} ps i'm looking for work as a secretary /receptionist locally in the springfield virginia area. if anyone knows of anyplace that could use a topnotch customer relations pro fill me in! Thanks Gisella