Ethnic humor

Nick L. in Vt

mike meyers: if it's not scottish, it's crap!

S Ebels

Ethnic humor

At the expense of my own breed!

Four retired guys are walking down a street in Mesa, Arizona.
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar. . . ALL
DRINKS 10 CENTS!"

They look at each other, then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"

There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis,
shaken, not stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

The four men stare at the bartender for a moment, then look at each other.

They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their
martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again
saying, "That's 40 more cents, please."

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.
They have each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a
dollar.

Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good
as these for a dime apiece?"
Here's my story," the bartender said. "I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn,
and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25
million and decided to open this place.

Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow. That's quite a story," says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice
three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of
them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and
asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "Oh, they're Hollanders from Michigan.
They're waiting for happy hour at 5 o'clock when drinks are half price."


I have to confess...........I have run into some of the old Dutchmen around here that would really do that.

ALH_4

Agreed

I once worked for a Dutchman who would do that. I worked long and hard days and I worked cheap, but I didnt work there for long.

-Andrew

Nick L. in Vt

scotch

i've an old audels oil burner text from 1958 or so. several times in the book the term scotch is used instead of the word cheap

ALH_4

Uff da

Being mostly Norwegian, I really shouldnt say anything about anyone. ;-)

OLE AND Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.
Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little further now if you want to -" . . . so Ole drove to Duluth.

-Andrew

Brad White_58

My grandmother, a Scot

remarked to my grandfather, a Swamp Yankee, when they got married in 1920, that their children would have "deep pockets and short arms" God I miss her!

My step-mother Barbara, a Sicilian, always said the best ethnic humor has a grain of truth, an ethnic idiosincracy at it's core. She told me this one, here goes:

Hear about the flamingos that moved in down the street?
They put plastic Italians on their lawn.

JK_4

from the mouths of babes

I am Irish. My oldest daughter is 9. She is very very intelligent. Since she has blonde hair and is half polish(mothers side), we tend to rib her. The other day after ribbing her she tuned to me with a very serious look and asked "how do you get an irishmen out of the pub?" I responed with "I don't know" . She the turned to her sister and said" I told you even an irishmen would'nt know that"

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Jerry_15

So Ole is doing poorly and Lena, thinking he may not make it, calls over the family to pay their respects. He opens his eyes to see them and says "Is that my brother Sven,and his family, and my cousin Frieda, and her family there, and our grown children too?"
"Yah sure thing it is" sez Lena
So you mean to tell me that everybody I know and love is standing right here in the bedroom with me?
Yah Ole, that's true.
So, how come then, the light's still on in the kitchen.

Jerry_15

And why can't you keep Jews in jail - they eat lox.

Mike T., Swampeast MO

Nick L:

Is that the meaning behing "Scotch marine boiler"?

S Ebels

There was an old Hollander here


This is absolutely true, as Dan says, you can't make this stuff up.

There was an old Dutchman who lived here, this is the honest to goodness truth, whose name was Titus. Tite for short. His mother must have had a premonition when he was born. I personally witnessed him, on many ocassions, sit down in the local restruant and order a cup of hot water. When the water was set on the table, he clamly and matter of factly pulled a tea bag (generic brand of course) out of his coat pocket and proceeded to make his tea. Here's the good part though, I twice saw him pull a USED tea bag from a little plastic pipe tobacco pouch and proceed to dunk that. The poor guy lived in torment for fear of losing a penny or two all his life.

Boilerpro_5

Or....

"If you ain't Dutch, you ain't much".....From the Den Hartog Clan Side of my family and the rest of the "V"ooden Heads that attend our Scottish Presbyterian Church.

Boilerpro

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S Ebels

Here Here!!

Well said Mein Herr!!

STEVE PAUL_3

I only know one Irish joke

"Two Irishmen are seen leaving a Pub"

Mitch_4

here's another then..

2 irishmen sitting in a bar drinking when one sob "gods I miss the homeland"

The other says "are ya Irish?"

"yes I am" says the first

"Where from?"

"Dublin" says #1

"Sure t'is a small werld..me too! when did you leave?"

"1962" says the 1st

"Blessed Mary! me too! and where did you land?"

"New york, we came on the steamer HMS Dublin in November of '62"

"Lord of Lords!! So did I"

#1 " I went to St Johns school on west 42nd"

"OH sweet baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey!! We musta known each other all this time, this is sure grand!!

The bartender looks at the waitress and says"Gonna be a long night...the O'Shea twins are drunk again"