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Home Depot hires 'Wallies\" in surprise move

RonWHC Member Posts: 232
99. That's where the lady has been waiting for 3 hours to get her Mauve Paint exchanged for Putrid Purple.


  • Pollets, Eatherton, HR & Yates tapped

    In a surprise move designed to re-energize home retail giant Home Depot and recover from its disasterous debacle with a past executive's 'Golden Parachute' departure, Home Depot has decided to enter the hydronics market with a bold venture.

    "After reading posts on a well-known Internet bulletin board called 'The Wall', we decided to pick several hydronics contractors whose participation in the industry has been long-term." said Mac Bell, new head of the Home Depot hydronic sales division. Bell went on to say that "In a coordinated effort to capture 100% of the hydronics market, especially the radiant and solar side, we felt it necessary to blanket the country - coast to coast - with hydronic contractors who can walk-the-walk while talking-the-talk. In other words - teachers."

    "Pollets will cover the west, Eatherton and Hot-Rod the middle of this great country and Yates will be busy covering the north-eastern quadrant." According to Bell, each will report directly to him and he to Home Depot's board of directors.

    When asked what spurred Home Depot to take such a dramatic and bold move, Bell reaponded "It was the overwhelming response to our sales of PEX that drove our thought process."
  • Paul Rohrs_8
    Paul Rohrs_8 Member Posts: 9
    April Fools

    For shame, for shame......

    I will give you anf "A"for effort though.


  • Big Ed
    Big Ed Member Posts: 1,117
    Had My Goat up...

    .....for the moment.

  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
    Don't THEY WISH!!!!

    April Fools indeed!

    I wouldn't normally reply to such a post...but (BIG APOLOGY),I was in one of the giants yesterday...looking at flooring choices. I just needed to get some ideas....I won't use them for purchase OR install but you have to admit...they do have choices.

    Dopey me, It was a bit chilly yesterday morning, and I grabbed a sweatshirt from the drawer. It happened to say Milne Plumbing and Heating. To say that I was stopped MORE than the guys in the aprons...would be an understatement.

    Truly a sad state of affairs! (I ain't a plumber!)Seems that even H.O.'s are on to the "sales experts" that they profess to have. (BTW, I got some great ideas for bathroom and kitchen flooring....and I'll be calling my friend to see what he's offering in the same vain.)

    PAH working for the Depot.....April fools indeed!!! Chris
  • Brad White
    Brad White Member Posts: 2,398
    Yeah, sure Chris.....

    "but (BIG APOLOGY),I was in one of the giants yesterday...looking at flooring choices. I just needed to get some ideas....I won't use them for purchase OR install but you have to admit...they do have choices.

    Not buying it, Chris. I also did not buy it when you said, "I read Playboy for the articles." :)

    I have to admit, when I go there, I get stopped more than the Orange Apron guys. I wear no identifying marks but have at least the appearance of someone who is not drooling nor has a present or past substance abuse problem.
    "If you do not know the answer, say, "I do not know the answer", and you will be correct!"

    -Ernie White, my Dad
  • first day jitters!

    Yep, a new day is dawning. Can't wait to put on the orange frock of knowledge(G).

    The 3-stooges doing plumbing will be the introductory training class video - mandatory viewing.

    If they can afford to give one guy millions just to get lost, think of how much they'd be willing to pay ME to stay!?!

    PS - What pictures?
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
    Busted !

    Oh Brad. You are just so Smuckin....

    Ya caught me ! I'm part timing to "pay the mortage"...I can't help myself. That 9.00$/hr is just such a draw..and they don't even have to supply benifits,which is why I'm getting SO much!

    If they'll offer me another couple a bucks...I MAY be pursueded to sub too. PAH, Pollets and ME are great company to be aligned with. (You jolly joker!) JCA
  • I look forward to working with Homer and the great bunch....

    I'm being paid by the foot, not the hour, so PLEASE, everyone reading this MUST come to HD for their PEX.

    We're including a FREE, read "FREE" Legionella Bacteria Starter kit for all homeowners interested in purchasing potable water PEX and a cheap ol' water heater for their own DIY HD RFH project :-) Pour the packet of special bacteria into the tank, and add water, and VOILA, instant bacterial pneumonia for the whole family.

    Don't delay, come by today. Our goal is to put those Internet PEX peddlars out of business. You don't need no stinkin internet to kill yourselves, let HD do it for your, er I mean to you...

    I'm not a licensed plumber, but I play one in the aisles of HD...

    Happy 1st of April.

  • Paul Rohrs_8
    Paul Rohrs_8 Member Posts: 9
    Frock of Knowledge

    Dave, Mark, HR,

    After you done mixing paint in aisle 3, could you fetch me a "thing-a-ma-bob", I probably won't need it so I might return it as defective.

    Any wonder they are looking to sell off the supply division?


    Bjorn Torun
  • jim lockard
    jim lockard Member Posts: 1,059

    & pexs that could open a whole new market for you Frank. J.Lockard
  • that's

    found over in aisle 17 where we stock Larkbyte for steam fittings, which ironically, just happen to be exactly adjacent to the 'regular' Larkbyte plumbing fittings in aisle 16. Danged if we can tell the difference, but I guess either will work for the other - in a pinch.

    Larkbyte - light as a feather cause the copper is imported and paper-thin. We've searched the world over to find a place where indentured servants work 18/7/365 for .02-cents a day. You wanted the lowest price, right?

    Or, youse can use our boa crimp fittings. Use of the constrictor tool is free for orders over $50 bucks. Remember: it's boa constrictor fittings that 'squeeze' time right out of the job. More time for you to go fishing and with the money you'll save by doing it yourself (those pros charge outrageous labor) you can afford to go fishing in the Islands of Fiji (where we bottle that great tasting water we sell for $18-bucks a gallon).
  • Josh_10
    Josh_10 Member Posts: 787

    I'm just having a good time imagining you guys in orange smocks.
  • Plumdog_2
    Plumdog_2 Member Posts: 873
    That's just great

    after your second paycheck, you will no longer be so eager to please the DIY steam repair guys loking for 2" Larkbyte fittings; and you will be found taking extra long smoke breaks out behind the dumpster, where all the rest of the Plumbers and Electricians are hiding, while the customers roam the giant aisles looking for you or someone like you. Why don't youse guys just put up a big sign, "nobody works here no more".
  • Scott OB
    Scott OB Member Posts: 22

    In what aisle can I get a bucket of steam???
  • Weezbo
    Weezbo Member Posts: 6,232
    would you happen to have an end suction pump under 160HP?

    like to hook it up to the byler to drive some extra heat out of the 6 foot of base board i piped in with some 1/4" hydraulic break tube last week. the 40 series grundfoss just wont get the job Done.

    i think i need someting with some GERT Flanges on it...and a few PVC adaptors and some bell reducers..and some thick wall 6":...a couple galvy T's and maybe a couple 4" rising stem gate valves

    i often wonder where on Earth these systems were "Funded"...
  • Weezbo
    Weezbo Member Posts: 6,232
    Yes... Right near the cardboard guy with the siren and police

    light over his head...just push the red button...:)
  • No wonder she's still waiting!

    Paint, as seen above, is waaaayyyy over in aisle 3.

    BTW, that bucket of steam is in ME's zone - right next to the left handed monkey wrenches.
  • Paul Pollets
    Paul Pollets Member Posts: 3,656
    I was ready..

    to accept the job at HD, but had already committed to Lowe's, who promised me a seven figure salary and only a German product line that would come with no instructions...

    That would keep everybody working in perpetuity!

    To Learn More About This Professional, Click Here to Visit Their Ad in "Find A Professional"
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981
    Buckett O' steam...

    GEES.. It's right there in Isle 4.... to the right, of the "left handed farquar flanges"...are you blind?

    I'm getting tired of answering these questions ! Smock intact!!!! Chris
  • Steve Ebels_3
    Steve Ebels_3 Member Posts: 1,291
    You just had to know..........

    Somebody in the crowd was going to do it..........You just had to know. :)

    BTW I've heard a rumor that both HD and Lowe's are now able to supply a limited quantity of special order metric Crescent wrenchs. Buy one of those and your tool box will be complete!
  • the bigger the pipe, the lower the pressure!

    2"??? No need to use Larkbytes if we're outta stock cause larger pipes carrying the same amount of steam naturally operate at lower pressures and temperatures. From 2" to 3", we often use schedule 20 plastic and 4" & over can be ducted with Orangeburger composite piping. Remember, there's added safety if the joints remain unglued so they can come unglued to prevent excessive pressure from accumulating. This pipe-joining practice also permits here-to-fore un-allowed dips in steam piping as any condensate will be given an 'out' before any bangin and clangin can occur.

    Slip a joint, wallpaper a home! Make lemons with that lemonade. So the steam piping leaked - for eight hours while you were at your day job and the little lady is now steamed herself. She's always after you to get after those chores on the honey-do list, so take that steamer lesson to heart and seize the day. What the hey - all the existing wallpaper curled off of the wall and onto the carpeting, so c'mon down to aisle 4 for this weeks special on glueless wallpaper (the glue's extra). Stop by aisle 99 & help that lady to walk the mile across the floor.
  • how bout

    a mid-section pump? We sold out of front-section pumps yesterday.
  • J.C.A._3
    J.C.A._3 Member Posts: 2,981

    They got left handed AND metric hammers too! Don't forget boys...Rush right out...they'll only be available till midnight tonight....call now and we'll double your order....all you pay is shipping and they're yours!

    So don't forget.... call before midnight tonight.... and get both at rediculously reduced prices...Call NOW...1-800-WHA-THE F...call before midnight and get a SPECIAL offer....we'll throw in nails for the opposite walls for FREE!!!!

    Sorry,I'm just doing what they told me.

    New sheep...Chris
  • Rodney Summers
    Rodney Summers Member Posts: 748
    Isle 5

    Where the dickens is Hot Rod?, Seems Hot Rod Hasn't reported for duty, I need a Hidrolick separater
  • paging Brad White

    Went to Home Depot today, asked at the service desk for Brad White from the boiler dept. He didint reply and came back later and they said they are still waiting for his reply... Told them I'll come back another time. So Brad , please stop by any Home Depot and answer your page !
  • Perry_3
    Perry_3 Member Posts: 498
    So transparent of a story... what may really be comming...

    Sorry guys; it's obviouse that H.D. would need more than a few Wallies to staff their stores (for more than a single store).

    Me, I'm looking at a consulting/design contract for "New Age Heating Crystals" to be marketed in various national and regional home improvement chains.

    They will come in all kinds of cool colors and sizes, and generally be the size of floor plants. Pull one out farther from the holder to get more heating for larger rooms (up to the limit on the design range of the model).

    They will be radioactive decay heat devices with crystal temperature control on the rate of the reaction (i.e the small change in atomic distances due to warming or cooling the crystal will control the reaction) i.e: the colder the room - the faster they will radiate heat - the cooler the crystal gets - and the faster the reaction speeds up (and the warmer the room - the slower they can radiate heat - the warmer the crystal - and the slower the reaction; and get this, their will be some reversable chemical processes as well so that they can also provide a degree of cooling for overly warm rooms.

    The radioactive sorces and reactions are alpha emiters so a simple piece of plastic makes them safe for public use (a layer of dead skin or sheet of paper stops alpha radiation particles).

    Disposal will also not be a problem either, and like smoke detectors they will be able to be landfilled.

    The trick is to get the elements involved into the right crystal structure so that their can be various colors and shapes which is very important for marketing.

    Anyway, the negotiations have dragged on for a while but I am gald to say that they have recognized that my talents are worth a lot of money (my time is valuable) plus solid commisions on every one sold; pluss commisions on the CD that comes with it with New Age Heating Music (and subsequent releases).

    What are you all going to do when these hit the market and conventional home heating systems will no longer be needed.

    They will of course need periodic replacement - a very important feature for most successfull consumer items; and the heating music sales market is unlimited.

    Here I thought that someone was going to approach me on design ideas for a new boiler. This will be a lot more fun.

  • Plumdog_2
    Plumdog_2 Member Posts: 873
    that's the spirit!

    Make sure to mention that 3" schedule 35 SDR is meant to be used inside a 2x4 wall because regular schedule 40 is too thick. (It is only for in the ground or crawl spaces where size don't matter). It comes in real handy for running an exhaust vent for a Munchkin up thru 3 levels of home when you can't have any bulges in the drywall. You will move up fast in your new job, I have no doubt!
  • Plumdog_2
    Plumdog_2 Member Posts: 873
    Better go ask Dave in plumbing

    I'm just an electrician. He's over by the nipples, between the elbow grease and the cock display. Yer gonna need a 200 amp fuse and a dimmer to tone down that pump or its gonna whine something fierce.
  • Brad White_9
    Brad White_9 Member Posts: 2,440
    Sorry Ray- I was on break.

    Also they had me multi-tasking and taking in-house seminars. The one I took today was called, "Out of Iron? PVC for Steam in a Pinch". I learned that it does not corrode which is cool.

    Yesterday we covered, "Plug that Dripping Relief Valve; Your Guide to Keeping Pressure Where You Want It". Had a live-fire demo with the boiler in Aisle 6, wait....5, 4, 3, 2, 1.......

    Houston, we have a problem. It flew in from a Massachusetts store...
  • Employee of the month!


    I heard you're up for 'Employee of the Month' for coming up with that new shipping method! No freight, just fright!
  • Joe Brix
    Joe Brix Member Posts: 626
    You guys.......

    .....are KILLIN' me!

  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 177

    Can you incorporate your crystals into Wall paper?

    My hydronic wallpaper project isn't doing very well. Nobody makes a big enough pump.......

  • Perry_3
    Perry_3 Member Posts: 498
    Perhaps long term

    In theory thousands to millions of very small crystalls would work much better due to the increase in surface area compared to crystal volumn (we had thought of that before); and yes, in theory it could be incorporated into wall paper. One side effect would be the wall paper would glow like black lit art... But I suspose that could be a marketing advantage. I wonder if we could make the crystal glow respond to the New Age Heating Music. Would'nt that be cool as your wall pulsed and changed to the heating music you were listening too?

    However, for now the initial goal will be to perfect some 6" across by 5 or 6 ft tall crystalls. It is believed that working out the technology challanges will be simplier on a larger crystal. Then we can work on smaller - and then the very small crystals needed for wall paper (or perhaps incorporated into paint).

This discussion has been closed.