Phrank from Philly

Jeff Lawrence_25

He wasn't the only one wearing them....

Alan(CaliforniaRadiant)Forbes

Phrank from Philly

I had to start a new thread 'cause the other one was getting squeezed out and Phrank deserves his own.

Here's a thread I saved:

DATE: Oct 20, 2000
SUBJECT: Totally Nude
NAME: Frank from Philly (Frank Douglas?)

I weigh 205 totally nude. I stand 5'10" totally nude. I am no longer in
demand, totally nude...

I yewsta be 2 inches taller, but I wore it off walkin' back and forth to the
truck, fergettin' stuff...

I am into bodybuilding, but only between my pelvis and my nipples... This
has caused me to become a roll model. An Italian roll model. Totally nude,
my body looks like an Italian roll. Plump in the middle, tapering to blunted
points on the ends...

Ellen Rose now requires that the lights be turned out before I enter the room
for "relations". 'Cause once she starts that laiffin', she can't stop, and I haffta
leave the room...

Hey. Why you wanna make me out to be a big Palooka? I ain't a Pollock!
Ah'm an Irish-Kraut-Dago. Mostly Dago. A true American mongrel that
looks Italian... Wit' a musstash... Though my last name is Hierholtzer, I look
like a pepperoni salesman. People think Ah'm lyin' when I tell 'em my name.
So I tell 'em that's the name the FBI gimme after the trial...

And yeah, Deniro looks like me. I ain't got a mole tho... He's got a mole
don't 'e?...

Ah'm gonna get one'a them fancy highender camriz pretty soon. Then Ah'll
take some shots 'a myself and put 'em up on the wall... Hey, if ya like me,
then good fer you. And if ya don't, then maybe you gotta turn the lights out...

Either way, I AM Frank from Philadel-phi-ay.

What a sin, oh Tin, to ever lose our grin, from fretting about what might have
bin...

That has nuttin' to do wit' what we bin tawkin' about. Does it? It just popped
into my head...

Well, I gotta go. Gotta get a shower. Rough day. And I don't want Ellen
Rose to see me totally nude at this computer. I hate when she starts that
fallin' down laiffin' an' all. It really ain't necessary...

-------------------FfP

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S Ebels

Saints Preserve us!!!!!>........

That's the one. When I read that the first time, my wife came in to see what was wrong. I was in tears. The guy had a gift for drawing pictures with words.

Thanks Alan

John R. Hall

Hierholzer

That's Frank's moniker. We published an article written by Frank back on 2/12/01 titled "Philly Frank and the Raiders of the Lost Spark." He had a knack for storytelling!

Jeff Lawrence_25

I looked everywhere

And finally found this.

Here he is, the man in question.

John R. Hall

Dang

I've been looking all over for those golf balls.

Dave Yates (PAH)

And......

he's just as funny in person! Ran into FfF at a Tekmar school once. No question as to which student was Frank as he was wearing a pair of toilet closet-bolt caps with small holes drilled through them for eye pieces. Damn near split my gut on sight! But, when it was time to settle down for class, he was as attentive as anyone else. I miss his wit.

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Dave Yates (PAH)

see my post above!

dat was da class & dose ain't golf balls - dehs closet bolt caps!

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Alan(CaliforniaRadiant)Forbes

Phrank from Philly

Here's what he had to say about service work:

DATE: Oct 18, 2000
SUBJECT: Well, Ah'm off
NAME: Frank from Philly (Frank Douglas?)

to go look at a one pipe steam job this mornin'. At least that's what the
customer SAID that's what it is, on the phone...

They sure seem to know alotta' the buzzwords anymore, these customers. I
guess they figger if they can get us contractors to believe they know a lot
about their systems then we won't rip 'em off. Well, if they know so stinkin'
much, then WHY don't they fix it themself? AH'LL tell ya WHY. 'Cause
they don't wanna get no dirt on their stinkin' docksiders and Sergio
Valentays, THAT'S why. Sure, they love to surf the net and read the books
but they ain't gone nowhere NEAR the back 'a that boiler where the
creatures lurk and the cat diamonds are mounded.

So they hire an Indiana Jones type like myself. And I go in and face the evils
of the cellar. I encounter the creatures and the crud...

And for this I must be paid. And paid well...

"Boy, Don't you think that bill is a bit steep?",they say. "Nope",I answer
without hesitation. "You couldn't'a found nobody to do that for ya, AND do
it as good as I did." This usually appeals to their stinkin' consciences and
they start to write the check. At which time I ponder the similarity between
my trade and prostitution... "But the other guy said he was gonna do it for
half of your price", he sez while focusin' his gaze on the smashed roach on
the knee of my spotted pants. "Yeah, but the udder guy would never come
back, you said. You been waitin' a YEAR for him. And you know why?
'Cause he realized the price he gave ya was too low. AND he didn't have
the courage to call ya back and tell ya. AND he didn't wanna do the job for
nuttin'. Ah'll bet ya pressured him for a "ballpark number" before he started,
din'tcha", I explain. "Probbly over the phone too, right? Then when he came
and seen this widowmaker of a system you got he realized he shouldn't'a
gave you that "ballpark" over the phone 'cause as soon as you heard it, it
became "the price". Ya know, it's really wrong to do that to a guy. Does the
owner of your company ask you for a "ballpark" of what you're gonna cost
him to do the jobs that nobody else 'll do?", I ask with genuine sincerity. This
usually humiliates them into submission... Though one time a guy said,"I AM
the company owner!" to which I immediately responded,"Well then you
should be smart enuff to figger 'dis stuff out. You don't look stupid to me.
Ah'll bet you din't get where YOU are by workin' fer nuttin'." This is usually
the trump card. He never had anyone speak to him in this honest, logical
fashion. Especially somebody with soot, catpoop and roachguts on their
pants. He writes the check and actually feels GOOD about it... Ahh, it's a
fine day in Philadelphia. I have educated another consumer and did him
more than just a heating service. And Ah'm just a stinkin' plumber! Imagine
what I could do if I was smart!...

So, stay wide awake out there, yews guys. Don't work for nuttin'. Save the
freebies for the people that need it. And don't let nobody take advantage of
ya. Hey, like they say in jail,"Keep two eyes open, and one eye closed."

God bless ya boys...

------------------------FfP


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S Ebels

Stop it Alan

I'm missing the guy too much already. What a riot he was!

Dave Yates (PAH)

Wheels - the only \"normal\" character of the group?!?

How'd that happen? As I recall, we all laughed until we hurt.

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Unknown

still laughing

Looking at that picture... phew.

Love you guys,

wheels
(the normal one???)

Alan(CaliforniaRadiant)Forbes

OK

Just one more:

DATE: Oct 20, 2000
SUBJECT: Hey Janey
NAME: Frank from Philly (Frank Douglas?)

We know who you really are. You're Ken in drag tryin' to start anudder one
'a dem Euro crap versus American good stuff argiaments...

The whole thing was a setup, heh, KennyJane? You tellin' evrybody you was
goin' to Ireland an' all that...

Buttcha can't fool me 'cause I can see ya thru yer monitor. Go ahead, look in
here real close. See me? I tried to tell ya this before...

All in all though, ya don't look that bad. Kinda' cute really. I don't roll that
way, but you could probbly find a nice fellow for the evening. Maybe one'a
them hydronishins...

---------------------FfP


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[Deleted User]

Yer killin' me...

I remember him telling me that a hydronishin sounded like a sissy. "Ahm a pipe fitter, not some sissy hydronishin..."

My face still hurts from the permagrin I get when I read him. Keep 'em coming Alan, I could use a good laugh.

Whadda riot.

ME

Alan(CaliforniaRadiant)Forbes

Any chance

of getting him back here for a spell. Lord know we need a bit of humor now and then.

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Jeff Lawrence_25

Y'all

Are making me dig up stuff it took forever to find.

I'm supposed to be working on some blueprints, fer crying out loud!!!!!

Y'all know where I got these, don't you?

S Ebels

Whata'ya got there?...........

A whole FfP archive? It's like watchin' the Three Stooges and Abbot and Costello all at once on one of them old movie channels.

Jamie_6

I actually run into Frank @ da supply house occasionally! I'll make sure he catches wind of this thread.

Jamie


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Mark Hunt

My first Wall friend was FfP


and I DO miss him.

I was around just before Dan SCRAMMED the place and got to see some of the best that the internet had to offer.

Truth be known, I actually thought Murph was FfP when Murph first started posting. A toned down FfP, but FfP none-the-less.

Frank is an amazing person and I miss him.

DON'T STOP ALAN!

FfP LIVES!!!!

Mark H

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Steamhead (in transit)

Come to think of it

Phrank Phrom Filly was one reason I thought it would be a good idea to use a nickname. I knew this Frank could never compete with that Phrank!

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DanHolohan

I remember all the fun stuff.

And also all of the not-so-fun stuff.

Unknown

oh yea

Dan,

You have had your share. Even internet stalkers and XXX posters. And you still love the rest of us.... which is why we love you!

Thank You!

wheels

Alan(CaliforniaRadiant)Forbes

Phrank from Philly

This is the last one I have. He better show up soon.

DATE: Apr 02, 2001
SUBJECT: Ah'll be at
NAME: Frank from Philly

the Phillie's opener on Friday afternoon.

But this mornin' I got two no heat calls.

Then I gotta go finish up a curb trap job with 4" cast iron vents in northeast
part of the city.(one off the storm sewer house trap and one off the sanitary
sewer house trap. No combo's in this part of Philly). Man, that sucker was 8
foot deep. And the hole could only be 3'x5' and it had an 8 inch gas main
goin thru at four foot down so I couldn't use a machine and I hadda hand dig
it. And it was loaded wit rocks. In the words of my grandfather Charlie
Hierholzer, the great loomfixer from Philly when we were the textile leaders
of the nation,"It was like tryin' to pick flypoop outta pepper wit boxin' gloves
on."

Then we found the street to be undermined, which was why the whole
works caved in and the old terra cotta vents broke in the first place. To
make matters more challenging, once I got down to 8 foot, it started to rain,
so me and the helper installed the new vents and the curbbox for the
curbstop, soakin' wet, cold and muddy. And then we backfilled wit the now
wet dirt, some of which had turned to brown oatmeal. Ah, the joys of
underground plumbing.

Yeah, Mark, I love the springtime too. And if it don't soon get warm around
here, Ah'm gonna put on my speedos anyway and pretend it is. Look for me
at Vet stadium. Ah'll be the bathin' beauty in section 300 wit the mud on'iz
shoes.

------------------FfP


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Murph'_5

And a happy....

St Patricks Day to you.

Murph'

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Steamhead (in transit)

Maybe Ellen Rose

wuz fallin' down laiffin' 'cause he don't refer to her as "The Lovely Ellen Rose"! Funny, I didn't catch that six years ago........

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jwade55_2

Hey MURPH!

> St Patricks Day to you.

>

> Murph'

>

> _A

> HREF="http://www.heatinghelp.com/getListed.cfm?id=

> 314&Step=30"_To Learn More About This

> Professional, Click Here to Visit Their Ad in

> "Find A Professional"_/A_

jwade55_2

Hey MURPH!

How are ya?

Jay