Money and Sex (from Mike T., Swampeast MO)

Mike T., Swampeast MO

1) Yes

2) Dad can take care of himself.

Mike T., Swampeast MO

Mom died 3 years ago. She was an awful cripple who found a simple-minded, wonderful man to take care of her and produce her one offspring.

They saved money throughout their life despite making very little. 300-400k

Dad's 67 years old. He just sold his home to move in with a 39 year-old woman who has a live-in boyfriend. He'll either put a trailer on her small, VERY rural property (his choice) or add on to and renovate her house (her choice).

Dad told me he was thinking about this and it was "nothing sexual". I said, "Shouldn't it be?"

This woman completely and totally avoids dad's family. His brother, his sister and his son have never seen her in the context of "family" and at most only once each in the context of a "friend".

What do you think?

Weezbo

i think she says....

forget your family, take a loan out at the bank...go deep into debt...or then again maybe i am just a pessimist when it comes to the direction of the world ...when he can no longer make payments maybe she convinces him to get credit cards ...or invest in cousin Louies gold making machine...i really believe that there is a real onslaught of assorted crooks taking it out on the retired these days... that's a sad commentary ,i know. sorry if it doesn't sound very "Up beat".....

bob young

scam job

sounds like a very not good idea. like a sheep ready to get sheared. i hate scam artiste's. i see way too much of this stuff every day. try your best to stop it but you probably won't be able to.

Alan(OnVacationInOregon)Forbes

Sounds scary

1) Is your inheritance at stake?

2) Is your Dad's well-being at stake?

Your mind says that the boyfriend and the woman are scheming to get Dad's money; my mind would say the same thing.

If he had a daughter (your sister), she would get him the hell out of there and in a place of his own; like a somewhere supervised to keep an eye on him. A 67 year old moving in with a much younger woman with a boyfriend makes no sense.

Cosmo_3

JMHO

I do not want to accuse you of being selfish because I don't know you that well.

But in my opinion, I would just tell him how you feel and that's it. As long as he can take care of himself, and he knows that they are probably milking him then he will have to realize it himself.

As far as inheritances go I have seen many families fight over money after parents die, and I always thought that if the parents would have spent the money and enjoyed life a little more there wouldn't be much to fight about...everyone is happy! It is painful to watch someone throw money away....money that your Mom probably intended go to her children, especially when it is basically being swindled by a couple thieves, but what can you really do about it? I can understand your concern....and I will say that I would feel the same way you do.

If he is the stubborn type then he may become worse the more you complain. One day he will realize what he is doing, hopefully it is not to late Mike.

Pray for him to make the right decisions....



Cosmo

scott w.

mike,

I have seen this kind of stuff happen in my community. Woman goes for the old farmer who was never married, stayed at home to take care of Mom and the farm. Mom dies, brothers and sisters give up the farm to the brother, brother marries this woman who treats him shabbily in public no less. She ends up with the farm, 300k, after she dumps him in a nursing home. Cryin shame.

Is your dad depressed and lonely? How did dad meet this girl? Did she seek him out?

Your Dad I assume was a good caretaker of his wife. With her passing something is missing in his life. I am guessing he wants to feel needed and this girl is manipulating this feeling.

Get someone to talk to him, sometimes sons can't do this a old friend, minister, sombody he respects, before this schemer gets her hands on the money and throws dad into the street. She will try to alienate your dad from his family. This is the first step in getting control and having your dad think only she cares for him and his family doesn't.


This happened to my second cousin who is 83 years old in Texas. No family, I mean no family, only child, no living cousins. House caught fire because she she ran too many electric cords to the bedroom. Let the house go down hill so no working electric in bedroom. Insurance company wouldn't renew the policy because of the shape of the house so no insurance.

House catches fire, police come see what the house is like tell her she can't go back to the house. She gets testy with police, police handed her over to the group of local social workers. Cousin calls a twenty year old friend who takes her in. Everything OK then I find out problems. Friend gets awarded power of attorney by court. Friend empties bank account of 250K. Then friend starts fixing the house for son to live in. Thats when my cousins other friend realizes what is going on and rescues her from this thief and her husband before they got her house. They were getting ready to throw her in a home.


So try to talk to dad before this happens to him.

scott w.

mike,

I have seen this kind of stuff happen in my community. Woman goes for the old farmer who was never married, stayed at home to take care of Mom and the farm. Mom dies, brothers and sisters give up the farm to the brother, brother marries this woman who treats him shabbily in public no less. She ends up with the farm, 300k, after she dumps him in a nursing home. Cryin shame.

Is your dad depressed and lonely? How did dad meet this girl? Did she seek him out?

Your Dad I assume was a good caretaker of his wife. With her passing something is missing in his life. I am guessing he wants to feel needed and this girl is manipulating this feeling.

Get someone to talk to him, sometimes sons can't do this a old friend, minister, sombody he respects, before this schemer gets her hands on the money and throws dad into the street. She will try to alienate your dad from his family. This is the first step in getting control and having your dad think only she cares for him and his family doesn't.


This happened to my second cousin who is 83 years old in Texas. No family, I mean no family, only child, no living cousins. House caught fire because she she ran too many electric cords to the bedroom. Let the house go down hill so no working electric in bedroom. Insurance company wouldn't renew the policy because of the shape of the house so no insurance.

House catches fire, police come see what the house is like tell her she can't go back to the house. She gets testy with police, police handed her over to the group of local social workers. Cousin calls a twenty year old friend who takes her in. Everything OK then I find out problems. Friend gets awarded power of attorney by court. Friend empties bank account of 250K. Then friend starts fixing the house for son to live in. Thats when my cousins other friend realizes what is going on and rescues her from this thief and her husband before they got her house. They were getting ready to throw her in a home.

Cousins friend who rescued her helped her get the house fixed up and now she is back living in it. She now only has has her small social security to live on.


So try to talk to dad before this happens to him.

Brad White

Does not pass the smell test

Not in the least.

The outcome of this cannot be good for anyone except a certain 39 year old....JMHO

Maine Doug_52

The robot

is madly waving arms and shaking head and yelling "Danger Danger Will Robinson".


I suggest you find a lawyer and help Dad protect his holdings, assuming you can discuss such things with him. And get a background check and credit check on the babe and boyfriend. It might show priors and need for fast money.

Larry Weingarten

There is a hole...

... in your Dad's life, with his wife gone. Perhaps, looking for ways to meet new people with common interests, (school, church, clubs etc.) could partly fill the void and help him to see a little more clearly. Going out of his way to look up old friends might not hurt either.

Yours, Larry

Perry_3

MIke

I have to agree that this does not pass the smell test. It would be different if said younger person had been interested in your father and a true freind.

My grandmother moved into a trailer located on a farm in a situation where she was freinds with one of the people involved. That worked well until the other party passed on; then my grandmother had the sense to relocate as the other party was pressuring her to sign over her estate (little as it was).

Can you get your father involved in a local elderly group. There are a lot more older gals than guys; and I think it would be better if he moved in with someone a lot more closer to his age.

Perry

Gordy

One of the few situations......

Where guilty until proven inocent comes into play. I have witnessed some very awful situations of this sort. It would seem the 39 year old has offered a solution to a elderly mans problems.

Not knowing your relationship with your father, or distance from him....but it would seem you are looking out for his best interests.

Actions of the fore mentioned party restraining from social contact of this mans family is a red flag in itself.


The goal is to protect his assets! Not so inheritance is on the horizion, but so he can live the retired life he, and your mother saved to do so. You must convince him to set up power of attorney with someone he, and yourself can trust. Is your fathers mental health in good condition? Because I have seen people get Alzhiemers, and get suckered into letting the gold digger be power of attorney then its good by money.

My wife has a coworker who is in this very situation, only the gold digger married coworkers father.
Father gets alzhiemers, Wife never goes to see him, but has no problem cashing in his assets to buy her son a house.
She is trying to sell the very house my wifes coworker lives in which her father owns, and was verbly promised to be theirs upon his death. This was before the alzhiemers set in.

Some where in his slow transition to the disease the step mother persuaded him to have her as power of attorney unknown to his immediate family. Now lawyers are involved.

Bottom line Mike I think you at least need to get to know these people your father wants to settle in with.
If they are legitement in helping out your Dad then they should have no problem letting you get to know them, and they should be understanding of your concerns which I would express to them. Let them know they are being watched if they want to be anti social to you. Walk carefully if it comes to this they may use it to their advantage.


Gordy

EBEBRATT-Ed

It's his (your Dad's decision) If he is competant (and I'm sure he is) take him somwhere and talk to him. Have him promise to think about this for a month before he takes any action. A month from now he still wants to do it. Than he is going to do it. Lay it out for him. Than it's his decision.

ED

hvacfreak

Honor Thy Father

My dad married later in his life...I gave no thought to anything , I figured it was his deal and who am I to say. At one point , he became ill ( emphysema from 40 years as a Mercedes Benz mechanic ). He came to live with me while his wife got her job , bills , and life figured out. About the 3rd month I noticed that he never had any money ( he should have had 1200 bucks a month for his disability , and was not deep in debt or anything ). He and I fell out about this and never spoke again. He died in a nursing home 3 years ago .

Left me with many different feelings for sure , one being " relief " ...I would never have to deal with his wife again.

And " inheritance " ...all the tools he made a living with , the 1969 Harley FLH that he and I built , photos for that matter...all gone. Through all the battles I even lost the support of some relatives ( she was a damn good lier , saying she was paying medical bills ...the statement I obtained from the hospital conflicted with this ).

All I can say is " don't let this happen to you ".

J Matthers_2

I think

we need more information here. Has a money loss calc been done on this relationship? What kind of piping does she have? Is the live in boy friend condensing or not? What kind of sex...I mean heat emitters do we have?

This sounds like a job that he should let someone else take on. Keep his money and run.

Steamhead (in transit)

I think Larry's right

anyone who is or has been in a good marriage would feel the lack of companionship when the spouse dies. This is probably what your Dad is looking for.

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scott w.

another thought

See if Dad would be willing to discuss with an attorney a way to sprotect his assets so he can't be talked into anything by this gold digger. Get some kind of trust set up and then let the girl know Dad had been finacially protected. See if she still as an interest for him to move in with the boyfriend.


He can appoint you power of attorney but this is no protection. Dad can make a new power of attorney at a later date an appoint someone else.

john_27

mike...get his assets into an irrevocable trust....with you as trustee...right now.....you manage the funds...he gets a monthly income....and you are the remainderman when he passes on. Check with an estate attorney to make sure no gift taxes are triggered by this move.....john

Mike T., Swampeast MO

Thanks all. Glad that nobody else seems to think it passes the "smell test". Everyone in the family certainly think its stinks as well.

Dad's not quite right. Fine person with a heart of gold, but you know within a few minutes of talking with him that he's a bit "special". Mom utterly dominated his life--not only in caring for her, but in being told exactly what to do at all times... His only escape was accounting work and he'd literally hide from mom to do it.

Mom fell in the bathroom and broke her femur. She never recovered. When she got really bad she told me to go get dad so she could talk with him. On the way back with him dad told me things like, "I'm kind of glad it's over, "She had been really bad and talking about dying," "I'll be fine" etc. By the time we made it to the hospital she was beyond speaking and had to stay in a drug-induced coma until we let her expire naturally about 10 days later.

Mom knew this woman--a few months but less than a year. She was their housekeeper for a while and mom really liked her daughter (about 8 at time). Mom let her into her intensive care room over the objects by nurses of "only family", saying "she's family". Dad CERTAINLY remembers this but tends to forget that mom was letting EVERYONE in as "family". Her intensive care room was a near zoo.

I'm not in the least concerned with whatever I might inherit. I just don't want dad to give everything away just to be tossed out when the money is gone. They have a safety deposit box together and dad's investment counselor once contacted his brother asking "about this woman". He cashed in some security WAY too early, took a huge penalty and the proceeds have never been seen--dad certainly didn't spend on himself.

He's been quite active in the church--in the choir and volunteered as their food pantry for months before being asked to leave because of "personality problems." Did I mention that he has a really bad problem with a temper that turns inappropriately violent? He also does some landscaping work--mainly for disabled people.

We're going to try to get him to put his money into trust with an attorney, his brother or me having to concur for withdrawls.

Definitely something "missing" in dad's life--I fear it's a desire (even a need) to be controlled by a woman. I just have a terrible feeling that this woman only wants to use him.

Dave_4

The county willl be stuck with Dad's care after this gal bleeds him of his savings, and you will feel a moral obligation as well. So help him see the need to guard his savings.

Now, as a retired prosecutor of 37 year sevice I am cynical but I do agree with all who have responded in this. It is not pure friendship.

Try this: Ask around among your own trusted contacts for the best WOMAN lawyer in the county for this ktype of matter. Have her interview Dad and try to "take charge' ,as your mother did.
Play the game of cards he is used to.
My own Mom was a trusted and often beloved small town attorney for 53 years. Saved some farms for folks in trouble. Good luck. Joe

Dave_4

I do not post here. So it is odd how in posting I became "Tim". I am Joe. Sorry Tim.

Steamhead (in transit)

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mtfallsmikey

I've been here Mike!!!

Mom died, Dad takes on the "Black Widow". sold grandad's orange grove in Fla, turned him against all 4 of us kids, had him change his will, we got nothing, except some of dad's old tools..Do SOMETHING NOW!!

Steverino

what to do?

Mike, the exact same thing happened to an uncle. The family tells him to do what he thinks is best (knowing that the lady is going to take all his cash). She did, he's broke & relies on assistance.
Yes, it is his decision, it is his money to do with as he pleases, but...I'd tell him it's not a good idea. Advise him that your decision isn't based upon an inheritance, only on his currenty & future well being. You'd rather he left his money to a charity of his choice than lose it to someone who may not have his best intrest at heart.

Mike T., Swampeast MO

That's what his brother, his sister, his sister-in-law and I are all trying to do. Really makes me no difference if I inherit anything--am happy if he spends everything for himself (or as you say gives to a reputable charity). I just don't want to see him used and discarded with only his social security left.

Cosmo_3

I hope thinks work out Mike

You keep an eagle eye on her and help your old man as much as he lets you. It is obvious to everyone here how much you love your old man and want to protect him. Just keep at it. I bet she doesn't even realize how much she is hurting him, more likely she has somehow convinced herself that this is really what your dad wants...to make her happy. I don't know how people like that can just fall asleep at night like it is no big deal.......

Cosmo

bob young

two family residence

maybe you could talk him into buying a house across the street from you , Mike ,or maybe get a two family. then you could an eye on him so the vultures don't pick him apart. i hope it works out for you both. bob