Squirrels invade! (GrandPAH)

Dave Yates (GrandPAH)_1

Please read this first:

http://www.ydr.com/newsfull/ci_4855462

Well, dear friends - the animal kingdom once again attacks! As you may recall, a groundhog attacked and was resoundingly defeated a few years ago. Today, as I was reading the link above in our Sunday Newspaper, a call rang out - literally - the phone. Well, "rang" might actually be something of a stretch as it's now digitally delivered and always subject to change when Mike is home - without warning or ability by Lois or myself to alter. Mike's due home today, so no telling which bells will toll for she & me!

Overhead Mom's plea for some kind of help on the machine - something to do with the Barn Room (room lined with barn siding) and someone or something behaving boorishly. So I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Mom & Dad had themselves baracaded in the Barn Room while Dad was fending off the attack of a nasty intruder - a gray squirrel. "Help!"

Grabbing my trusty Red Ranger, the imortal words "You'll shoot yer eye out kid!" rustled through my mind like leaves on a stiff gust of wind. This time dressed to kill, I snatched up a netted pole along with the aforementioned armory.

Upon arrival, I found Mom & Dad in robed attire with door to outdoors propped open and the Ben Franklin stove/fireplace with its beveled-sreen being held close with a turned-over chair and several small tables! It was obvious a battle had raged - briefly. They mentioned a terible racket had occured and Dad, thinking someone might have decided to clean the gutters at that moment in time, or that Santa was making a dry run, went outside to survey the roof - no one in sight. Hummmnnnnn, something was odd.

Back inside, you cam imagine the terror of their suddenly seeing "God Damnit" appearing inside the fire-box and a charge against the screening! (God Damnit is the phrase uttered by Dad upon seeing said squirrel on the bird feeder and the name grandchildren first associated with squirrels! Be wary of grandparents who teach young children such things.) Dad immediately launched himself from a lazy morn's breakfast to defend home and hearth.

My tweaking the chimney's damper brought forth a very angry squirrel who immediately lunged at my foot! Thank the Lord for sturdy wire screening, I can tell you that. He darn near knocked me off my pins. Immediately, he scurried back up beyond sight & into the base of the chimney. Shades of groundhogs; do they speak the same language, I wondered. Three more times the beastie hurled himself in a rage at my (now firmly planted) foot and three more times, he dashed back up into the base of the chimney.

No manner of coaxing would get the critter to peacefully surrender, but close at hand was Dad's aresenal of fire-starter materials. Growling (yes Virginia, squirrels do growl when highly ticked off & it's a bone-chilling growl at such close quarters) and uttering other gutteral phrases, some fire-starter materials were set to smoldering, which caused an increase in the beast's angry language, most of which would not be repeatable here were an interpreter available! Three more times the beast attacked and three more times I kept a firm foot against the screened enclosure while the tipped-over chair solidified the upper portion. He'd developed a pattern by now, so a bead was drawn.

The rest doesn't bear the telling as it wasn't the type of ending that, well, ended well for all involved. Suffice it to say that peace was restored in the Yates Barn Room while the gun-slinger prevailed without shooting his eye out and GD is now taking a long dirt nap.

Now, back to work!


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